When Someone Has a History of Violence: Disclosure, Accountability and Safety
When someone is subject to a protective order and has criminal convictions for abusive behaviour, these are not matters that should be dismissed or explained away lightly. Protective orders and criminal convictions arise through legal processes. They are not based on rumours, gossip or personal opinions. A criminal conviction means a court has found the… Read More When the Evidence Should Not Be Ignored
When an abusive relationship ends, the abuse itself often doesn’t disappear. Sometimes, the behaviour changes form. Instead of controlling a partner behind closed doors, the person who was abusive may begin controlling the story. This can be particularly confusing for a new partner, who hears only one version of events. While every situation is different,… Read More “It Wasn’t Me, It Was My Ex…” — Common Narratives Used After an Abusive Relationship Ends
Why Some People Change Dramatically When They Stop Taking Their Medication Families living with severe mental illness often describe seeing two very different versions of the same person. While taking their prescribed medication, they may appear calmer, sleep better, think more clearly and cope more effectively with everyday life. When they stop taking their medication,… Read More On off medication
It takes enormous courage for someone to disclose domestic abuse. Many survivors have spent months—or even years—wondering whether anyone will believe them. By the time they tell you, they may have rehearsed the conversation hundreds of times in their head. They may be terrified of being judged, blamed or dismissed. How you respond in those… Read More When Someone Tells You They Are Being Abused: Your Response Matters More Than You Think
There are sadly many cases where victims disclosed abuse, raised concerns, or were not fully believed or understood until after a serious assault or homicide. Every case is different, but they demonstrate why disclosures should be taken seriously. Some well-known examples include: Shana Grice (UK) – Shana repeatedly reported stalking and harassment by her ex-partner to… Read More Taking it seriously
For generations, families have repeated the same phrases: “Don’t make a fuss.” “Keep it in the family.” “Think of the children.” “Don’t tell anyone.” “You’ll ruin the family.” “Just keep the peace.” On the surface, these words may sound like they are protecting the family. Too often, they are protecting the abuse. Silence Gives Abuse… Read More “Keep It in the Family” Can Be Dangerous: Why Silence Protects Abuse, Not Victims
One of the most frustrating phrases survivors hear during divorce is: “The marriage has broken down due to irreconcilable differences.” Sometimes that is true. People do grow apart. They fall out of love. They want different futures. Those are genuine irreconcilable differences. But abuse is not one of them. When a relationship ends because one… Read More Stop Calling Abuse “Irreconcilable Differences”
If you were too frightened to report the abuse at the time, you are not alone. Fear is one of the most powerful weapons an abuser has. Many survivors stay silent because they fear violence, retaliation, not being believed, losing their children, or simply surviving another day. But if you are now in a place… Read More It’s Never Too Late to Find Your Voice
Many cases of domestic abuse go unreported because of fear. Research across many countries consistently shows that a large proportion of survivors never contact the police or other authorities. Common reasons include: Fear of retaliation or increased violence if the abuser finds out. Fear of being killed or seriously injured. Fear of not being believed… Read More Fear or threats
15 Days from Freedom Fifteen days from freedom. Of course, he chose today. By now, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Three years ago, I made a choice I deeply regret. Despite my knowledge and experience in trauma therapy, I believed I could manage the situation once I escaped the isolation of France. I convinced myself… Read More “Your Body Knows Before Your Mind Accepts It.”
