When Someone Has a History of Violence: Disclosure, Accountability and Safety
Sometimes the person who caused the abuse is not the only person who keeps the truth hidden. Families can become part of the silence. They may minimise what happened. They may rewrite the history. They may describe violence as “marital problems”, “arguments” or “something between the couple”. They may insist that nobody should talk about… Read More When Families Keep the Truth Hidden: How Secrecy Can Protect Abuse
There is a difference between having a past and having a pattern. Everyone comes into a new relationship with history. Previous relationships, mistakes, regrets, disappointments and difficult experiences are part of being human. But what happens when someone’s history includes violence and abuse across two marriages spanning decades? What if there have been convictions for physical violence?… Read More When the Past Is a Pattern: Should a New Partner Be Told About a History of Violence and Abuse?
Starting a new relationship usually involves gradually getting to know one another. You talk about your past, your family, your previous relationships, your hopes, your mistakes and the experiences that have shaped you. But what happens when someone’s past includes convictions for domestic abuse, physical violence, threats or breaking restraining orders? At what point should a… Read More Coming Clean: Telling a New Partner About a History of Abuse, Violence or Restraining-Order Breaches
There are moments in life when human beings are at their most vulnerable. Illness. Hospitalisation. Bereavement. Divorce. Financial crisis. Family emergencies. Exhaustion. Fear. These are the moments when we instinctively expect the people around us to become more compassionate, not less. We expect a friend, partner, relative or trusted person to say: “How can I help?”… Read More When Vulnerability Becomes an Opportunity: The Psychology of Mercenary Behaviour
Privacy and secrecy differ significantly in relationships. Privacy allows individuals to maintain personal boundaries, fostering trust, while secrecy may conceal crucial truths that affect informed choices. Healthy relationships thrive on integrity and honesty, not on the manipulation of information. You deserve the right to know relevant past details to make informed decisions.… Read More Privacy Is Not Secrecy
The text discusses the complex dynamics of hidden abuse within relationships, emphasizing that partners may conceal their abusive pasts through minimization, blame, and family reinforcement. Recognizing abusive patterns is crucial for new partners, as these hidden histories can emerge over time, often leaving victims feeling trapped and deceived.… Read More They May Not Discover the Truth Until They Are Already Living It
Hidden abusive histories can mislead new partners, who may unknowingly enter relationships with individuals exhibiting harmful patterns. Families often perpetuate this concealment, shielding abusers from accountability. Genuine change requires acknowledgment of past behavior and the demonstration of consistent positive actions. Honesty is crucial for informed decision-making in future relationships.… Read More When the Past Has Been Hidden: The Next Partner May Not Know
Abuse thrives in secrecy.
Whether it is physical violence, coercive control, emotional abuse, financial abuse or sexual abuse, perpetrators often rely on silence to continue their behaviour.
When victims are discouraged from speaking, or when those around them minimise what they disclose, the abusive behaviour can become more frequent, more severe and more dangerous.
Silence is not a solution.… Read More “Keep It in the Family” Can Be Dangerous: Why Silence Protects Abuse, Not Victims
Child sexual abuse is often imagined as being committed by a recognisable type of person: someone obviously disturbed, socially isolated, aggressive or visibly predatory. Research tells us something considerably more complicated. There is no single psychological profile, personality disorder or psychiatric diagnosis that identifies a child sexual abuser. People who sexually abuse children are a heterogeneous… Read More The Psychology of Child Sexual Abusers: What Research Actually Tells Us
We like to believe that predators are strangers. Someone lurking in a dark alley. Someone we would immediately recognise as dangerous. Someone who “looks like a predator.” But the uncomfortable truth is that people who pose a risk to children do not always look frightening. Sometimes they are familiar. Sometimes they are charming. Sometimes they… Read More The Predators Among Us
Trauma • Neuroscience • Emotional Intelligence • Women's Empowerment 