Sexually inappropriate or uncomfortable behaviour refers to words, actions, gestures, comments or physical contact of a sexual nature that make another person feel uneasy, embarrassed, pressured, intimidated, disrespected or unsafe.

It does not necessarily have to involve physical contact. It can happen in person, online, at work, within a relationship or between people who know each other.

Examples of sexually inappropriate behaviour

1. Unwanted physical contact

• Touching someone’s body without permission.
• Unwanted hugging, kissing or touching intimate areas.
• Standing unnecessarily close or invading someone’s personal space.
• Repeatedly touching someone after they have asked you to stop.

2. Inappropriate comments

• Making sexual jokes or suggestive remarks.
• Commenting on someone’s breasts, bottom, body or appearance in a sexualised way.
• Asking intrusive questions about someone’s sex life.
• Making unwanted sexual advances.

3. Unwanted sexual attention

• Repeatedly flirting after someone has shown disinterest.
• Sending unsolicited sexual photographs or explicit messages.
• Staring at someone’s body in a sexualised way.
• Making someone feel that affection or attention is conditional on sexual activity.

4. Coercive or manipulative behaviour

• Pressuring someone into sexual activity.
• Using guilt, emotional blackmail or intimidation to obtain sex.
• Ignoring someone’s refusal or boundaries.
• Suggesting that someone owes sex because they are in a relationship.

5. Behaviour that creates discomfort

• Making sexual comments in situations where they are unwelcome.
• Deliberately exposing someone to sexual material.
• Making inappropriate jokes at another person’s expense.
• Continuing sexual conversations when someone is visibly uncomfortable.

An important distinction

Consent, respect and personal boundaries are fundamental.

Someone does not have to experience physical assault for behaviour to be sexually inappropriate.

Equally, a person does not have to justify why something makes them uncomfortable. Their boundaries deserve respect.

A useful principle is:

If behaviour is unwanted, sexually intrusive, intimidating or makes another person feel uncomfortable, it should be taken seriously.

When referring to children under the age of 16, sexually inappropriate or uncomfortable behaviour means any sexualised words, actions, contact or conduct that is unsuitable for their age, development or understanding, or that makes them or another child feel uncomfortable, pressured, frightened or unsafe.

It is important to recognise that this behaviour can occur between children themselves, as well as between a child and an adult.

Examples of sexually inappropriate behaviour in children under 16

1. Inappropriate sexual comments

• Making sexual jokes or suggestive remarks.
• Making comments about another child’s breasts, genitals or body.
• Asking intrusive questions about sexual experiences.
• Using sexually explicit language towards other children.

2. Unwanted physical behaviour

• Touching another child’s private parts.
• Attempting to kiss or touch someone without consent.
• Pulling down clothing or exposing intimate body parts.
• Inappropriate touching during play.

3. Sexualised behaviour online

• Requesting or sharing nude photographs.
• Sending sexually explicit messages.
• Pressuring another child to share intimate images.
• Sharing or forwarding somebody else’s private photographs.

4. Coercive or intimidating behaviour

• Pressuring another child to participate in sexualised games.
• Threatening to end a friendship unless someone complies.
• Using bullying, intimidation or manipulation to obtain sexual contact.
• Encouraging secrecy about inappropriate touching or conversations.

What might explain this behaviour?

Sexualised behaviour in children and adolescents can have different explanations, including:

• Natural curiosity about bodies and relationships.
• Exposure to pornography or inappropriate adult material.
• Peer pressure and social influences.
• Poor understanding of personal boundaries and consent.
• Developmental or emotional difficulties.
• Exposure to sexual abuse, exploitation or inappropriate adult behaviour.

Importantly, sexualised behaviour does not automatically mean a child has been sexually abused or is an abuser themselves. It needs to be understood in context.

When should adults be concerned?

Particular attention is needed when behaviour:

• Is persistent, intrusive or aggressive.
• Involves force, threats or intimidation.
• Causes distress to another child.
• Involves a significant age, developmental or power difference.
• Is explicit or far beyond what would normally be expected for the child’s developmental stage.

What should parents and carers do?

1. Remain calm and avoid shaming or labelling the child.
2. Establish clear boundaries about appropriate behaviour.
3. Listen carefully if a child reports something uncomfortable.
4. Avoid repeatedly questioning a child about a possible incident.
5. Seek advice from a suitably qualified safeguarding professional.
6. Take immediate steps to protect any child who may be at risk.

One important point: Children have a right to bodily autonomy, privacy, dignity and protection, regardless of their age.