One of the lasting effects of coercive control is that the fear does not always end when the relationship ends. Sometimes it is not only the behaviour of the abusive partner that creates fear, but statements that have been made over the years, associations that have been mentioned, or the belief that other people may… Read More When Fear Extends Beyond the Relationship

As my divorce and financial settlement approach, my priority is no longer trying to understand someone else’s behaviour. My priority is my safety. The car is being checked. The security cameras are fully charged and ready. Friends are keeping an eye out. Family are checking in regularly. I have relatives here in Spain. I have… Read More My Focus Is No Longer on Fear. It Is on Safety.

For many survivors of domestic abuse, leaving the relationship is not the end of the risk—it can be the point at which the risk increases. Research and frontline experience have shown that abuse can escalate during separation, divorce proceedings, and disputes over finances, property, or child arrangements. When an abusive person feels they are losing… Read More Why the Period Around Separation Can Be the Most Dangerous

Gentlemen… Can we have a quick word? Stand up. No… properly. You’re looking for a partner, not trying to identify ants on the pavement. The Hunchback of Notre Dame wasn’t meant to be a dating coach. If your head is permanently hanging over your phone, your neck has disappeared and your shoulders are somewhere near… Read More 🚨 Dating Advice for the Over-50s… Because Apparently It Needs Saying. 🚨

For decades, I believed that “just in case” meant love. I believed it meant protection. I believed it meant someone cared about me. So when I was asked for passwords, access to accounts, financial information, or to explain where I was, I didn’t see it as control. I saw it as trust. I saw it… Read More I Thought “Just in Case” Meant Love

Money can be used as a powerful tool of control. Some people are pressured into remaining silent because they fear losing an inheritance or other financial support. This may be expressed directly or indirectly. Examples include: When financial threats are used to stop someone from telling the truth, seeking help, reporting abuse, or making their… Read More Financial Pressure and the Threat of Losing an Inheritance

There is an important difference between respecting someone’s privacy and forcing someone into silence. Healthy families and healthy relationships respect personal privacy while allowing people the freedom to speak, seek support, and make their own decisions. An abusive person, however, may try to create a culture of silence through fear, intimidation, manipulation, or threats. This… Read More Silence Through Fear Is Not Privacy