People with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) can feel emotions. They are not necessarily emotionless, incapable of attachment or unable to experience love. However, they may experience, process and respond to emotions differently from people without the disorder.
One of the most important distinctions is between feeling an emotion and having the capacity to understand, respect and respond to another person’s emotions.
This distinction can have a profound effect on intimate relationships.
1. What does someone with ASPD actually feel?
ASPD is associated with persistent patterns of disregard for other people’s rights, social rules and feelings. However, emotional experience varies considerably between individuals.
People with ASPD may experience:
| Emotion | What may happen |
|---|---|
| Anger | Can be intense, particularly when frustrated or challenged. |
| Pleasure | Can experience enjoyment, excitement and gratification. |
| Fear | Can experience fear, although some may show reduced sensitivity to certain threats. |
| Anxiety | Can experience anxiety, stress and insecurity. |
| Jealousy | Can experience jealousy, possessiveness and resentment. |
| Affection | Can experience affection, attraction and attachment. |
| Shame | May experience shame, but respond defensively or with hostility. |
| Guilt | May experience guilt, but some have difficulty feeling remorse for the harm they cause. |
| Empathy | May have difficulty recognising, understanding or emotionally responding to another person’s distress. |
The important point is that ASPD does not mean someone has no emotional life.
2. The difference between cognitive and emotional empathy
This is particularly important when trying to understand relationships involving antisocial traits.
There are two different aspects of empathy.
Cognitive empathy
The ability to recognise and understand what another person is thinking or feeling.
For example:
- Knowing that your partner is frightened.
- Recognising that something you said has hurt them.
- Understanding what makes someone emotionally vulnerable.
Emotional empathy
The ability to emotionally connect with another person’s feelings.
For example:
- Feeling concern when your partner is distressed.
- Feeling upset because you have hurt someone.
- Experiencing compassion and wanting to comfort them.The distinction: Someone may understand exactly how another person feels without experiencing the same emotional response or feeling motivated to help.
This can create a particularly confusing relationship dynamic.
A person may know precisely what hurts their partner, understand why it hurts, and still repeat the behaviour.
That does not automatically establish ASPD, but it is an important distinction when examining harmful behaviour.
3. How ASPD can affect intimate relationships
Relationships can become difficult because the characteristics associated with ASPD may affect trust, emotional reciprocity, responsibility and intimacy.
Some possible patterns include:
1. Difficulty with genuine emotional intimacy
- Relationships may be based more on personal needs than mutual emotional connection.
- They may struggle with vulnerability.
- They may find another person’s emotional needs frustrating.
- They may have difficulty sustaining reciprocal affection.
2. Manipulation and control
Some individuals may:
- Use charm to gain trust.
- Tell lies or withhold information.
- Exploit another person’s generosity.
- Use emotional vulnerabilities to influence their partner.
- Become hostile when challenged or confronted.
3. Limited remorse
This is an important feature to understand.
A person may:
- Recognise that they have hurt someone.
- Understand the consequences of their behaviour.
- Know that their partner is suffering.
- Nevertheless show little remorse or take little responsibility.
However, not everyone with ASPD has an absence of remorse. There is considerable variation.
4. Relationships can become transactional
The relationship may revolve around what the individual receives rather than what both partners contribute.
For example:
- Attention when they want it.
- Financial or practical support.
- Sexual gratification.
- Companionship when convenient.
- Validation and admiration.
When the other person has needs, those needs may receive considerably less attention.
5. Difficulty accepting rejection
Some individuals may respond to separation, criticism or perceived rejection with:
- Anger.
- Retaliation.
- Resentment.
- Harassment.
- Attempts to regain control.
These behaviours are not exclusive to ASPD and should not automatically be interpreted as evidence of the disorder.
4. Can someone with ASPD actually love another person?
This is probably the most difficult question.
The answer is yes, potentially, but love and attachment are not necessarily experienced or expressed in the same way by everyone.
Someone with ASPD may:
- Feel attracted to another person.
- Become attached.
- Miss their partner.
- Enjoy companionship.
- Feel jealous or possessive.
- Experience affection.
But there is an important distinction between attachment and compassionate love.
Loving someone in a healthy relationship also involves:
- Caring about their wellbeing.
- Respecting their independence.
- Feeling concern when they are suffering.
- Accepting responsibility for causing harm.
- Being able to apologise sincerely.
- Making changes rather than repeatedly promising to change.
- Recognising that another person’s needs matter just as much as your own.
Someone can want another person in their life without being capable of maintaining a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.
5. Can people with ASPD change?
Some can make meaningful changes, although treatment can be challenging.
Psychological interventions may help with:
- Impulse control.
- Anger management.
- Recognising the consequences of behaviour.
- Developing interpersonal skills.
- Reducing harmful and antisocial behaviours.
- Improving emotional regulation.
Change requires personal engagement, accountability and sustained effort. A diagnosis is not an excuse for abuse.
6. ASPD, psychopathy and sociopathy: are they the same?
These terms are often confused.
| Term | Meaning |
|---|---|
| ASPD | A recognised psychiatric diagnosis involving a persistent pattern of disregard for others’ rights. |
| Psychopathy | A construct involving traits such as callousness, reduced empathy and manipulative behaviour. |
| Sociopathy | An informal term, sometimes used to describe antisocial traits, but not a formal clinical diagnosis. |
Psychopathy and ASPD overlap, but they are not interchangeable. Not everyone with ASPD has the characteristics associated with psychopathy.
7. The most important psychological distinction
I would separate three things when examining these relationships:
- Emotional capacity: Can someone experience affection, attachment, fear, anger and pleasure?
- Empathy and conscience: Can they recognise another person’s suffering, feel concern and experience remorse?
- Behavioural responsibility: Can they recognise that their actions are harmful and make a sustained decision to stop?
These are related but different capacities.
And something particularly important: you cannot establish that someone has ASPD simply because they have been cruel, emotionally unavailable, manipulative or abusive. Only a qualified professional can assess and diagnose the disorder.
My central point is this:
A person does not have to be incapable of feeling emotions to cause profound emotional harm. They may experience affection, desire, anger and attachment while having significant difficulties with empathy, reciprocity and accountability.
And a diagnosis never removes responsibility for the harm caused to another human being.
