Recently, someone said something to me that stopped me in my tracks: “Despite his best attempts, he hasn’t managed to kill your soul.” Another person told me, “You still have a large, soft heart… you’re still open to love.” To most people, these might sound like simple observations.To me, they felt like music. Because after everything… Read More They Didn’t Kill My Soul
In a world full of noise, distraction, and performance, there is something grounding about returning to what is real. Real illness.Real struggle.Real strength. When you’ve seen genuine suffering up close—friends or family navigating illness that changes their daily lives—it shifts your perspective in a way nothing else quite can. The small irritations lose their weight.… Read More Focus on What’s Real
There are days when your thoughts turn, almost instinctively, to the people in your life who are facing genuine illness. Not the kind that can be brushed aside or exaggerated for effect—but the kind that reshapes daily life, demands resilience, and asks more of a person than most of us will ever fully understand. Real… Read More When Illness Is Real: A Quiet Reflection on Strength, Perspective, and Compassion
Psychologists sometimes refer to a subtle but deeply impactful experience as ambiguous deprivation.It’s not about something dramatic that happened to you.It’s about what didn’t. It’s the quiet absence of what should have been there: Affection that was never freely given Safety that was never consistently modeled Freedom that was quietly restricted Emotional support that never quite arrived… Read More Ambiguous Deprivation: The Invisible Loss That Shapes Us
Being told you are medically clear and then continuing to present yourself as seriously unwell is not just a personal issue. When it’s used to avoid responsibility, delay obligations, or justify harmful behaviour, it becomes something else entirely. There is a clear line between: genuine illness health anxiety and the repeated use of illness as… Read More “At some point, this stops being about health—and becomes about accountability.”
“After years around constant health scares, one thing became very clear:” “Living for years in a family where every symptom is a crisis changes you… but maybe not in the way people think.” A headache isn’t just a headache.It’s a brain tumour.Indigestion isn’t diet… it’s something serious.A mole isn’t a mole… it’s skin cancer. When… Read More Let’s call it what it is.
Here are the early warning signs, the ones that tend to appear before anything obvious or extreme. These are rooted in the same nervous system patterns we just talked about. 1. Subtle lack of empathy (easy to miss) At the beginning they can seem: charming attentive even emotionally intense But watch closely when something small happens, like you’re… Read More Early warning signs
1. Their stress system just discharged Before the outburst, their brain is often in a high-alert state: threat sensitivity (amygdala firing) rising tension internal pressure When they lash out (verbally, emotionally, or physically), it can act like a release valve. So their body goes from:high stress → discharge → relief That relief can look like: sudden… Read More Why an abusive person can seem calm right after harming you
From a neuroscience perspective, the difference is often not that one person has a “bad brain” and another has a “good brain.”It is more about how certain brain systems work together — especially the systems for: empathy emotional regulation fear/anger response conscience impulse control 1. The brain of someone who may become abusive Research shows some abusive… Read More How certain brain systems work together
Many people believe that once they leave an abusive relationship, the worst is over. But for some, the dynamic doesn’t stop—it changes form. What once happened face to face can continue at a distance, sometimes through ongoing conflict, legal processes, or prolonged disputes. This is often referred to as post-separation abuse or coercive control at a distance. 🧠 What… Read More When Abuse Doesn’t End: Understanding Post-Separation Control
