“After years around constant health scares, one thing became very clear:” “Living for years in a family where every symptom is a crisis changes you… but maybe not in the way people think.” A headache isn’t just a headache.It’s a brain tumour.Indigestion isn’t diet… it’s something serious.A mole isn’t a mole… it’s skin cancer. When… Read More Let’s call it what it is.
Here are the early warning signs, the ones that tend to appear before anything obvious or extreme. These are rooted in the same nervous system patterns we just talked about. 1. Subtle lack of empathy (easy to miss) At the beginning they can seem: charming attentive even emotionally intense But watch closely when something small happens, like you’re… Read More Early warning signs
1. Their stress system just discharged Before the outburst, their brain is often in a high-alert state: threat sensitivity (amygdala firing) rising tension internal pressure When they lash out (verbally, emotionally, or physically), it can act like a release valve. So their body goes from:high stress → discharge → relief That relief can look like: sudden… Read More Why an abusive person can seem calm right after harming you
From a neuroscience perspective, the difference is often not that one person has a “bad brain” and another has a “good brain.”It is more about how certain brain systems work together — especially the systems for: empathy emotional regulation fear/anger response conscience impulse control 1. The brain of someone who may become abusive Research shows some abusive… Read More How certain brain systems work together
Many people believe that once they leave an abusive relationship, the worst is over. But for some, the dynamic doesn’t stop—it changes form. What once happened face to face can continue at a distance, sometimes through ongoing conflict, legal processes, or prolonged disputes. This is often referred to as post-separation abuse or coercive control at a distance. 🧠 What… Read More When Abuse Doesn’t End: Understanding Post-Separation Control
If you have ever been told that throwing things, shouting in your face, trying to physically harm you, threatening you, or controlling your access to money, transport, or even your passport is “normal” in a relationship—it is not. It is abuse. And understanding this isn’t just about opinion or perspective. It is grounded in how… Read More This Is Not Normal: Understanding Abuse Through Neuroscience
Sometimes telling the truth creates discomfort. It can bring short-term pain, tension, or even conflict. But more often than not, it leads to something far more important—clarity, accountability, and, ultimately, justice. Truth is not always easy to hear, and it is not always easy to speak. But it is not inherently destructive. Gossip is. The… Read More Truth, Discomfort, and the Difference That Matters
Where an individual repeatedly claims to be seriously ill or dying, particularly in circumstances involving abuse or financial matters, yet provides no supporting medical evidence, such claims should be treated with caution. When similar statements have been made over an extended period of time without verification, it becomes necessary to question their credibility. Care should… Read More How Low Do You Go?
Research into traits like everyday sadism sits within the broader study of personality—specifically how some individuals may show lower empathy, higher competitiveness, or a greater tolerance for others’ discomfort in certain contexts. However, in real relationships, what matters is not labels from psychology studies, but patterns of behaviour over time. Some behaviours that people may feel as “enjoying control or… Read More From “everyday sadism” to real-life relationship dynamics
Psychologists sometimes study traits related to everyday sadism, meaning a subclinical (non-clinical) tendency to enjoy minor forms of others’ discomfort. This is not the same as clinical sadism or criminal behaviour. Some findings from research on “dark personality traits” suggest that: A small minority of people report some enjoyment of activities like teasing, humiliating others in games, or seeing others… Read More What research actually shows
