Ambiguous deprivation is a psychological concept describing the pain of missing something that was never clearly present in the first place. Unlike grief over a specific loss, ambiguous deprivation is the sorrow of not having received something essential that many people assume should have been there all along—such as love, emotional safety, validation, protection, guidance,… Read More Ambiguous deprivation
Epistemic justice means treating people as credible knowers of their own experiences. In abuse and violence cases, epistemic injustice often happens when victims are dismissed, doubted, ridiculed, or blamed instead of being listened to. Some well-known examples include: The case of Stephen Lawrence and witness Duwayne Brooks After Stephen Lawrence was murdered in a racist… Read More Dismissing evidence
I saw a quote today that said: “Every person enters your life for a reason.” I’m still trying to work out what the reason was for my ex-husband. So far my leading theories are: To fund several therapists. To teach me what red flags look like. To improve my ability to spot nonsense at 100… Read More Reasons
Epistemic Injustice is a term coined by philosopher Miranda Fricker to describe a situation where someone is treated unfairly in their role as a knower — that is, when their knowledge, experiences, testimony, or understanding are dismissed, distorted, or undervalued because of prejudice or power imbalances. Fricker identified two main forms: 1. Testimonial Injustice This… Read More Epistemic Injustice
Three doctors (one in France and two in Spain), three psychologists (one in France and two in Spain), a forensic psychologist in the UK, friends in three countries, and family members all reached the same conclusion. They could not all be wrong. It took many years and many attempts before I finally made the decision… Read More Abuse Assessment Checklist
One of the hardest lessons many people learn in an abusive relationship is that no amount of love, patience, sacrifice, pleading, reasoning, or counselling can force another person to change. You cannot control someone else’s behaviour. You cannot make them stop lying. You cannot make them stop manipulating. You cannot make them stop being verbally,… Read More The One Person You Can Change Is You
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
From a psychology and neuroscience perspective, it’s important not to assume that everyone who lives from inherited wealth has the same motives or character. Some inherited wealth and continue working, contributing to society, volunteering, running businesses, or pursuing meaningful goals. However, when someone becomes excessively focused on inheritance, constantly discussing who will inherit, what assets are… Read More Reward and Motivation Systems
