We need to change the conversation around domestic abuse.
Stop asking survivors why they stayed for so long. Stop questioning why they have not moved on, why they are still dealing with legal proceedings, or why they cannot simply put the past behind them.
Instead, ask why someone who has found the courage to leave should have to spend years fighting for safety, financial security, justice and the right to live without fear.
Ask why survivors are so often expected to rebuild their lives alone while the practical, emotional and financial consequences of abuse continue to follow them.
Ask what meaningful support looks like after separation — not just in the immediate aftermath, but months and years later, when the attention has faded, the paperwork continues to accumulate and the survivor is still trying to put their life back together.
We need better-informed professionals, accessible legal support, effective protection, financial assistance where needed, trauma-informed services and family members and friends who are prepared to listen without judgement. We need to recognise that separation can be a period of heightened risk and that safety and recovery do not follow a convenient timetable.
And we need to stop measuring a survivor’s progress by how quickly they appear to have moved on.
If you know someone who has left an abusive relationship, do not assume that leaving was the end of their struggle. Ask what they need. Listen to their answers. Respect their boundaries. Offer practical support. Believe that rebuilding a life can take time.
If you are a survivor yourself, remember this: you do not have to justify the time it takes to rebuild, nor do you have to prove your strength by coping with everything alone. Seek appropriate support, protect your wellbeing and take your next steps at a pace that is safe and sustainable for you.
And if you are a professional, an employer, a friend or a family member, recognise that the support you offer after someone leaves may be just as important as the support you offered when they were trying to escape.
Because leaving abuse should open the door to a new life — not condemn someone to an endless struggle to secure the freedom they fought so hard to find.
We cannot undo the years that were lost. But we can stop making survivors fight unnecessary battles to reclaim the years that remain.
It is time to move beyond telling people to leave.
It is time to stand beside them when they do.
Share this article. Start the conversation. Challenge the assumptions. And help create a world in which leaving abuse is not the end of one battle followed by another, but the beginning of a genuinely safer, freer life.
