There is a question that anyone who knew me before my most recent relationship would probably ask.

And actually, I think they would be perfectly entitled to ask it.

“What on earth did you see in him?”

My answer?

“Come on. Really? Look at the family photo.”

Because if you put a photograph of my first husband next to a photograph of my most recent ex, even I have to admit that the comparison is rather entertaining.

Let’s establish the evidence

My first husband?

Tall.

Good-looking.

Hair.

Teeth.

Nice smile.

Basically, if you were putting together a list headed “Linda’s Usual Type,” he would have ticked quite a few boxes.

Then, approximately two years later, along came husband number two.

And suddenly we had:

Shorter.
Fatter.
Bald.
And considerably fewer teeth.

Now, I’m not saying I had suddenly developed a completely different taste in men.

But the photographs might suggest otherwise.

😂

“What did you see in him?”

Honestly, I sometimes wonder myself.

Because let’s be absolutely clear:

He wasn’t my usual physical type.

And the funniest part is that my dating history since the relationship rather proves it.

The men I’ve dated since?

Tall.

Lots of hair.

Great smiles.

Good-looking.

Healthy teeth.

Basically, my original specification appears to have been quietly reinstated.

The manufacturer has returned to the original design.

😂

It really isn’t rocket science

People sometimes make attraction far more complicated than it needs to be.

If someone asked me now what I find attractive in a man, I wouldn’t need a twenty-page psychological assessment.

Tall.

Good-looking.

Hair.

Nice smile.

Teeth.

Done.

It really isn’t rocket science.

And apparently, my subconscious knew exactly what it liked all along.

It just took a rather long and unexpected detour.

But here’s the interesting bit…

Physical attraction wasn’t actually the reason I got into that relationship.

There were circumstances around it that were far more important to me at the time.

And this is something people who look at a relationship from the outside don’t always understand.

They see the couple.

They see the photographs.

They see the man.

They see the woman.

And they think:

“Why on earth did she choose him?”

But people don’t always choose relationships simply because somebody is their physical type.

Sometimes there are other things happening.

Timing.

Loneliness.

Hope.

Family circumstances.

Emotional vulnerability.

And sometimes there is a much bigger motivation sitting quietly underneath everything else.

In my case, there was.

The family photo tells only half the story

Looking back now, I can laugh about the difference between the two photographs.

My first husband standing there looking like the sort of man everyone would expect me to choose.

And then my later ex…

Well…

Let’s just say the family album raises some interesting questions.

😂

But photographs don’t tell you what was happening inside a relationship.

They don’t show the circumstances in which you met.

They don’t show what you hoped would happen.

They don’t show what you were trying to achieve.

And they certainly don’t show what happened behind closed doors.

That’s why the question “What did you see in him?” can sometimes be far more complicated than it sounds.

And then came the great return to type

After leaving the relationship, something rather amusing happened.

Without consciously making a decision about it, I started dating men who looked much more like my original type again.

Tall.

Hair.

Smile.

Teeth.

Good-looking.

I mean…

At this point, the evidence is becoming statistically significant.

😂

Perhaps my nervous system had finally submitted a formal complaint.

“Excuse me, Linda. We would like to return to the original specification.”

Hindsight is a wonderful thing

There is also something quite liberating about being able to look back at your life and laugh.

Not because what happened was funny.

It wasn’t.

But because you eventually reach a point where the past doesn’t have the same emotional power over you.

You can look at an old photograph and think:

“Oh my goodness. What was I doing?”

And then laugh.

That’s different from blaming yourself.

It’s different from pretending you should have known everything you know now.

And it’s different from rewriting history.

It’s simply having enough distance to see the whole picture.

So, what did I see in him?

Well, apparently I saw something that had very little to do with my usual physical preferences.

And if anyone still wants to know what my type actually is, I think the dating evidence is pretty conclusive.

Tall.

Hair.

Teeth.

Great smile.

Good-looking.

And apparently, after a fairly lengthy experiment, I’m comfortable confirming:

Yes. That was the original specification.

😂

So when someone asks:

“What did you see in him?”

I can now answer with complete honesty:

“I don’t know. But if you want to understand my normal taste in men, just look at the family photo.”

And if they still don’t get it…

I’ll get the photographs out.

Because sometimes you really don’t need a degree in psychology.

The evidence is right there in the album.

😂