Trauma refers to an emotional or psychological response to an event or series of events that are distressing or disturbing, often exceeding an individual’s ability to cope. Traumatic experiences can be diverse and may include situations such as accidents, natural disasters, physical or sexual assault, combat, or the sudden loss of a loved one. Trauma can have a profound impact on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, leading to a range of symptoms and challenges.
The story of Susan Kuhnhausen is extraordinary. She survived because she possessed a rare combination of experience, training, physical skill, and the ability to remain functional under extreme stress. She had spent thirty years as an emergency room nurse. She had treated violent injuries. She had encountered people in crisis. She had practised self-defence techniques,… Read More Why Most Survivors Are Not Susan Kuhnhausen
One of the most confusing experiences for survivors is discovering years of letters, cards and messages saying: “I’m sorry.” “I know I’ve hurt you.” “I’ll change.” Yet the behaviour never changes. How can someone repeatedly acknowledge their actions and still continue the same pattern for decades? The Cycle of Abuse Psychologists have long recognised a… Read More Why Do Serial Abusers Leave a Trail of Apologies? The Psychology and Neuroscience Behind the Pattern
One of the most frustrating experiences reported by survivors is not only the abuse itself, but the reaction they receive when they finally disclose it. A relative may say: “I doubt he’ll kill you.” “He wouldn’t do that.” “You’re overthinking it.” “Just leave and move on.” Then, when separation or divorce begins, the same relative… Read More I doubt he’ll kill you.
A phenomenon that psychologists sometimes call normalcy bias, optimism bias, and, in some cases, epistemic injustice. When someone finally discloses domestic abuse and hears responses such as: “I doubt he’ll kill you.” “You’ll both meet someone else and move on.” “Every couple argues.” the speaker may think they are being reassuring. However, from a psychological perspective, they may… Read More Epistemic injustice.
Coercive control is often misunderstood because many people imagine abuse as a series of isolated violent incidents. In reality, coercive control is usually a pattern of domination that gradually strips away a person’s freedom, confidence, independence, and sense of self. 1. The abuse develops gradually The relationship may start with affection, attention, promises, and emotional connection. Control… Read More The abuse develops gradually
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
When family members involve children or grandchildren in denying, minimizing, or covering up abusive behaviour, it places enormous psychological pressure on everyone involved — especially the younger generations. From a neuroscience and psychology perspective, several dynamics often overlap: Trauma bonding and loyalty conflicts — Children and grandchildren can feel emotionally trapped between attachment to a parent/grandparent… Read More Involving Children and Grandchildren
In recent years, psychology and safeguarding research have increasingly focused on grooming behaviours, coercive manipulation, and the psychological processes involved in abusive dynamics — both online and offline. One of the most important findings across the research is this: grooming is often subtle, gradual, and psychologically strategic. It rarely begins with obvious abuse. Instead, it… Read More Grooming, Sexual Manipulation, and Why It Can Be Difficult to Detect
