When I recovered the backup drive after the computer had been wiped, I wasn’t simply recovering digital files. I was recovering part of my own history. For years, I had kept documents, photographs, correspondence, and records that helped me make sense of what I had lived through. Some of those files became important evidence during… Read More The Backup Drive: Recovering More Than Files
People often ask me when I’m going to write my book. My answer is always the same. I’m waiting for the divorce to be finalised. For a long time, I simply wasn’t ready to write it. After decades of living with abuse, my priority wasn’t telling my story—it was healing from it. Trauma recovery takes… Read More Waiting for the Final Chapter Before I Write the Next One
During a conversation this morning, someone said something that resonated deeply with me: “He never wanted you to be happy. He was so miserable with his own life and himself long before he met you that he was determined to destroy any happiness you experienced.” Whether or not we can ever know another person’s true… Read More “He Never Wanted Me to Be Happy”: The Psychology and Neuroscience Behind This Behaviour
People notice far more than we sometimes realise. They notice whether a home is cared for. They notice whether responsibilities are shared. They notice whether one partner carries the weight of running the household while the other remains largely absent from family life. They notice when there seems to be little investment in the family… Read More Actions Speak Louder Than Words
One of the most revealing moments in any relationship is when you hear two very different accounts of the same family. One person describes a “perfect” childhood and an idyllic family life. Another sibling quietly confides that home was marked by frequent arguments, emotional distance, financial control, poor communication, or a lack of teamwork. Which… Read More When Words and Behaviour Don’t Match: The Psychology of Family Narratives
People often ask what it’s like to leave an abusive relationship. They imagine dramatic moments. The shouting. The arguments. The obvious acts of abuse. But recovery is often found in something much quieter. It begins with a simple sentence. “I will never do that again.” I will never again pick dirty towels up from a… Read More The Things I Will Never Do Again
As I prepare for my fifth and final move, I’m struck by something I hadn’t fully appreciated before. I’ve spent decades moving homes. But more than that… I’ve spent decades moving almost entirely on my own. The first move was into his house. The second was into the home I bought myself. While I packed… Read More Five Moves. One Pattern. The Neuroscience and Psychology of Carrying Everything Alone.
From the perspectives of psychology and neuroscience, this pattern is not simply about money. When someone pressures a partner to sell their car, home, family heirlooms, or other valuable possessions while concealing their own assets, it can be a form of financial abuse and coercive control. The possessions themselves often carry more than financial value—they represent independence, security, family… Read More Sacrifice
One of the hardest lessons for survivors of coercive control is that not every battle can be won. Many spend years believing that if they could only explain themselves better, produce more evidence or appeal to reason, things would finally change. Eventually, many discover a painful truth. Some conflicts are not about finding a fair… Read More Sometimes the Greatest Victory Is Walking Away
One of the most painful questions survivors ask after leaving an abusive relationship is: “Why me?” They replay conversations, decisions and memories, searching for the moment they believe they failed. But sometimes, as more of the past becomes clear, another question emerges: “What if it was never really about me?” Seeing the Pattern Many survivors… Read More Financial Exploitation Over Decades: When You Realise It Was Never Personal
