If you discover that someone has a criminal conviction for domestic violence, take it seriously.

Don’t allow anyone to minimise it or explain it away with familiar phrases such as:

“She made it up.”

“She’s unstable.”

“She’s bitter.”

“She’s only after money.”

“It was just a messy divorce.”

“There are two sides to every story.”

While every case is different, a criminal conviction means that the legal system found sufficient evidence to establish guilt beyond the required legal standard. It is not simply a rumour or an allegation.

Ask yourself some important questions.

Did the former partner leave the relationship to be with someone else—or did they choose to leave and rebuild their life alone?

Did they walk away knowing they would be financially worse off?

Did they lose their home, their security, their friends, or contact with the abuser’s family?

Did they have to start again from nothing?

These are not the choices most people make lightly.

Many survivors leave because staying has become more frightening than the uncertainty of starting over.

It is also common for perpetrators and those close to them to present a very different version of events. Friends, relatives and colleagues may only see the charming, successful or charismatic side of a person. Abuse often happens behind closed doors, and many perpetrators work hard to protect their public image.

This is why it is so important to look beyond excuses and pay attention to patterns of behaviour.

Look for signs of coercive control.

Listen carefully if multiple people describe similar behaviours.

Observe how the person treats others when they don’t get their own way.

Notice whether they accept responsibility—or whether they always blame someone else.

Above all, trust your instincts.

If something feels wrong, don’t ignore it because someone else tells you you’re overreacting.

Your safety is worth far more than giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

A healthy partner will respect your boundaries, your independence and your right to ask questions.

An abusive partner will often try to make you question your own judgement.

Never be afraid to walk away from someone whose past, present behaviour or refusal to accept responsibility causes you concern.

Sometimes the bravest decision you will ever make is the one that protects your future.