Trauma & Emotional Abuse
Understanding the lasting impact of trauma, emotional abuse and coercive control—and how these experiences can affect the mind, body, relationships and sense of self. Explore trauma-informed insights, neuroscience and pathways towards healing, recovery and emotional freedom.
The lengths a mother will go to when she hasn’t seen her children for two years I have a confession to make. Looking back, I have to laugh. When I got together with my ex, there was a very important detail he apparently failed to notice. I wasn’t actually there because I was particularly interested… Read More Hands Up: I Wasn’t Actually Looking for a Boyfriend — I Was Looking for My Children
Explore the psychology of hidden vindictiveness, moral superiority, impression management and indirect retaliation, and how to recognise harmful patterns without assuming motives.… Read More Covert Vindictiveness: When Someone Pretends to Have Integrity but Retaliates in Private
Explore how conditional affection, financial withholding and public generosity alongside private neglect can affect self-worth, emotional safety and recovery from controlling relationships.… Read More The Bare Minimum: When Love, Affection, Generosity and Even Basic Kindness Become Transactions
Secondary gains refer to the indirect benefits someone may experience from trauma, such as avoiding responsibilities or receiving support, which can complicate recovery. While these behaviors may seem beneficial, they often stem from a need for safety or emotional relief rather than manipulation. Therapy should focus on understanding the underlying needs these behaviors fulfill to promote healthy changes.… Read More Secondary Gains in Trauma Treatment: Understanding the Hidden Benefits of Staying Stuck
Dreams of abusive ex-partners can evoke panic and feelings of helplessness, often mirroring past trauma of entrapment and emotional abuse. These nightmares reflect the brain’s processing of danger and the lingering impact of coercive control. While waking reality differs, persistent fear may signify unresolved emotional connections, necessitating compassionate self-reassurance and potentially seeking therapeutic help.… Read More When You Wake Up Still Trying to Escape: The Neuroscience of Dreams After Emotional Abuse
Dishonest individuals often project their own behaviors onto others, assuming everyone acts similarly. This projection leads to a distorted moral double standard, where they rationalize their dishonesty while condemning others for the same actions. Distinguishing between healthy discernment and chronic suspicion is crucial, as suspicion can stem from past trauma rather than actual deceit.… Read More When suspicion reflects their own standards
The narrative highlights the significance of recognizing early warning signs in relationships, particularly through a recounting of emotional abuse. The author reflects on a past conversation that foreshadowed their own experience with similar behavior when attempting to leave a relationship. Ultimately, it emphasizes the importance of understanding patterns of abuse and the consequences of one’s actions.… Read More The Warning I Ignored: When Someone Takes Pride in Destroying Their Former Partner
Have you ever been told something about yourself repeatedly, yet somehow never really seen it yourself? Perhaps friends have said: “When you walk into a room, people notice you.” “Men are always looking at you.” “You don’t realise how attractive you are.” You may have dismissed it, laughed it off or simply not understood what… Read More When You Don’t See What Others See: The Neuroscience of Self-Perception, Trauma and Being Seen
Behaviour What it means What happens to the other person’s suffering? Example Ordinary cruelty Deliberately causing pain, humiliation or distress, or showing a serious disregard for another person’s suffering The suffering is known but disregarded Knowing someone is already distressed and deliberately saying something designed to hurt or humiliate them Bullying Repeated behaviour intended to intimidate,… Read More The important difference
There are several evidence-based approaches to treating trauma. The most appropriate treatment depends on the type of trauma, whether the danger has ended, the person’s symptoms, and whether the trauma was single-event or prolonged/complex. Main treatments for trauma Helps identify and change trauma-related thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. Often used for PTSD, anxiety and avoidance. Uses bilateral… Read More Evidence-Based Treatments for Trauma and Complex PTSD
