When Someone Has a History of Violence: Disclosure, Accountability and Safety
I recently learned something that stayed with me. My first husband and his ex-wife have always remained friends after their divorce. Over time, more and more has come to light about the abuse she endured during their marriage. One evening, while on a fishing trip, his son confided in me when his father had moved… Read More 🔍 When Silence Becomes a Legacy: The Hidden Cost of Normalising Abuse
Not all abusers look cruel. In fact, some of the most dangerous individuals are the ones who seem the most charming at first. They can present as warm, engaging, and trustworthy—until the mask slips. This “Jekyll and Hyde” personality shift is more than just unsettling; it’s a calculated strategy of manipulation. 1. The Eyes Many… Read More The Hidden Danger: Neuroscience & Psychology of Spotting an Abuser Before It’s Too Late
There’s nothing lonelier than being in a relationship where someone claims to care about you — but won’t show up for you. You know the type. The one who’s always “busy” on weekends. Who avoids holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Who keeps their phone face-down, their schedule mysterious, and their heart behind walls. It’s not just disappointing — it’s dehumanizing.Because… Read More 💔 Living the Lie: When Love Is Hidden, Conditional, and One-Sided
When you’re walking into a courtroom not just with documents, but with the weight of everything you’ve endured — the manipulation, the threats, the gaslighting, the financial deceit — you are not just preparing a legal case. You are walking the long and lonely road of reclaiming your truth. This is not just about proving… Read More Preparing for Court When the Truth Is Heavy: A Survivor’s Guide to Documenting Hidden Abuse and Financial Manipulation
Some people wage war without ever lifting a finger. They don’t raise their voice, leave threatening voicemails, or appear in court themselves. No. They stay hidden—clean, composed, and conveniently “uninvolved”—while others act out their cruelty. These people weaponize others to do their dirty work for them. Whether it’s a flying monkey from the family, a loyal friend-turned-bully,… Read More 🕳️ The Hidden Hands of Cowards: When They Get Others to Do Their Dirty Work
Sadism is the act (or desire) of deriving pleasure from another person’s suffering — emotionally, psychologically, or physically. The term comes from the 18th-century French writer Marquis de Sade, who wrote about sexual pleasure linked with cruelty and degradation. But not all sadists are overt or sexual. Some use subtle emotional or social tactics to harm and humiliate others, all while… Read More 🩸 What Is Sadism?
What you’re describing is very real, very deliberate, and disturbingly common. In high-conflict divorces—especially where one party has narcissistic or controlling tendencies—tactics like harassment, bullying, and even vandalism are not just random acts of cruelty. They are strategic psychological warfare. The goal? To destabilize, deplete, and eventually break down the other party so severely that they will settle for less—less… Read More Repeated Mercenary Behaviour
A psychological and neurological look at truth, trust, and safety in love. There’s no easy answer.Disclosing a diagnosis like psychosis, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), or other stigmatized conditions is a deeply personal decision. It can feel terrifying. Vulnerable. Risky.But it can also be freeing. Humanizing. Even life-changing. So… should you disclose?Let’s explore the why, when, and how — from both… Read More 💬 Should You Disclose Mental Health Disorders in a Relationship?
Don’t expect kindness.Don’t expect fairness.Don’t expect change — especially not during a divorce — from someone who’s spent decades trying to control, diminish, and destroy you. When someone tries to strangle you, break your arm, trap you financially, gaslight you emotionally, humiliate you in front of others —that’s not a “bad patch” or “temper.”That’s abuse.Repeated, calculated,… Read More Once an Abuser, Always an Abuser(Say it again if you need to.)
Uncovering hidden truths — whether about your partner, yourself, or your past — during a separation from an abusive marriage can feel like your entire reality is being rewritten. It’s often described as a kind of emotional whiplash or “truth tsunami.” These discoveries are not just intellectually unsettling — they cause deep psychological and neurological changes, especially after a long-term… Read More Uncovering hidden truths
