One of the strangest parts of healing is that you don’t always realise how unhealthy your situation was until you leave it behind. When you live in an environment for decades, it becomes your normal. You adapt. You make excuses. You lower your expectations. You tell yourself that all relationships are difficult, that everyone has… Read More When You Finally Meet Healthy People
A friend once described my situation as being like peeling back the layers of an onion. At first, I thought that if I looked hard enough, asked enough questions, and tried hard enough to understand, I would eventually find the truth. I believed there had to be a reason for the behaviour, a hidden explanation… Read More The Rotten Onion
I think I will cry with relief when I finally get my own home again. Not because it’s bricks and mortar. Not because it’s an investment. Not because it’s a status symbol. But because it represents something far more valuable: Freedom. For decades, I lived under the shadow of threats. If I did something wrong,… Read More Freedom
There comes a point in life when we all have to stop blaming, stop making excuses, stop explaining away uncomfortable realities, and take a long, honest look in the mirror. Not a quick glance at the surface. A deep look. An honest look. A courageous look. Many parents struggle to understand why their adult children… Read More The Mirror We Often Avoid Looking Into
Sometimes it is not the big things that hurt the most. It is the small things. You visit their home and notice photographs of family members on display. Parents, siblings, children, friends, holidays, celebrations, and treasured memories are all visible. But there is no photograph of you. You look around and realise that gifts you… Read More When You Seem to Have Disappeared from Their World
There comes a point in some family relationships when it becomes necessary to stop listening to explanations and start looking at patterns. If decades have passed with no shared holidays, no family celebrations, no meaningful effort to spend time together, no shared Christmases, no birthdays unless you organise and pay for everything yourself, it is… Read More When Decades of Distance Tell Their Own Story
One of the most painful forms of self-deception can occur when a parent desperately wants to believe what their adult child is saying, while ignoring what their adult child’s actions are showing them. Most parents want to see the best in their children. They want to believe the promises, the reassurances, and the comforting words.… Read More When Words and Actions Tell Different Stories
One of the most uncomfortable truths about parenting is that children learn far more from what they observe than from what they are told. Parents may spend years teaching values, giving advice, and explaining what is important in life. Yet children are often paying closer attention to behaviour than words. They watch how we treat… Read More Children Often Learn What We Live, Not What We Say
One of the most painful situations an ageing parent can face is when their adult children make it clear they don’t want to be involved in their care, wellbeing, or future. The reality is that some people are happy for someone else to carry the responsibility. They may not want to help, visit, support, or… Read More When the Children Don’t Want to Know
One of the most painful realities some parents face is the growing realisation that their adult children have no intention of helping, supporting, or caring for them as they grow older. This is not about expecting children to sacrifice their own lives or become full-time carers. Most loving parents want their children to be independent,… Read More When Adult Children Make It Clear They Won’t Be There
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 