Once upon a time, I was an excellent candidate for the “Give Him Another Chance” Olympics.

I could explain away almost anything.

“He’s just tired.”

“He’s had a difficult past.”

“Maybe I misunderstood.”

“He probably didn’t mean it like that.”

“He says he cares, so perhaps I should focus on his words.”

Oh, how wonderfully accommodating I used to be.

Not anymore.

I have put up with far too much in my life, and I have finally introduced a new philosophy:

Three strikes and you’re out.

Not three massive betrayals.

Not three catastrophic events.

Not three years of counselling to work out why I feel uncomfortable.

I’m talking about three red flags, three uncomfortable feelings, three occasions where his actions don’t match his words, or three moments where I find myself thinking, “Hmm… I don’t like that.”

And then?

Game over. Thank you for playing.

Strike One: Something Doesn’t Feel Right

I have learned that discomfort is information.

It doesn’t necessarily mean someone is dangerous. It doesn’t mean I should immediately run screaming into the sunset.

But it does mean:

Pay attention.

If something feels off, I don’t need to build a 47-slide PowerPoint presentation proving why.

I can simply notice it.

Perhaps he says something that feels disrespectful.

Perhaps he makes a joke at my expense and then tells me I’m “too sensitive.”

Perhaps he behaves completely differently from the charming man I met last week.

Perhaps my nervous system is quietly tapping me on the shoulder saying:

“Excuse me, Linda… are we sure about this?”

I listen now.

Strike Two: The Words and Actions Don’t Match

This one is particularly important.

I don’t date someone’s potential.

I don’t date their promises.

I don’t date their beautifully worded WhatsApp messages.

I date their behaviour.

If someone tells me:

“I really value you.”

…but repeatedly doesn’t make an effort to see me?

Strike.

If he says:

“Communication is really important to me.”

…but disappears whenever there is a difficult conversation?

Strike.

If he tells me:

“You can trust me.”

…but behaves in ways that make trust increasingly difficult?

Strike.

Words are lovely.

Actions are evidence.

And I am no longer conducting a PhD in explaining the gap between the two.

Strike Three: I Feel Like I’m Starting to Make Excuses

This is my favourite warning sign.

The moment I hear myself saying:

“But maybe…”

“Oh, perhaps…”

“He probably…”

“I know it looks bad, but…”

“Maybe I’m expecting too much…”

STOP.

That is usually the moment I need to step away from the relationship and step back towards myself.

Because when I start becoming my own defence lawyer for somebody else’s behaviour, something has gone seriously wrong.

And Here’s the Important Part…

The three-strikes philosophy isn’t about being unforgiving.

It’s about being discerning.

People make mistakes.

People have bad days.

People misunderstand each other.

A healthy relationship allows for conversations, apologies, accountability and change.

But there is a huge difference between:

“I made a mistake and I’m sorry.”

and

“I keep doing the same thing, but I’m going to give you another explanation every time you challenge me.”

I’m interested in the first one.

I’ve retired from the second.

I’m Not Looking for Perfect

Let’s be clear.

I’m not expecting a man to arrive on a white horse, carrying flowers, emotionally regulated, perfectly self-aware and with a five-year communication strategy.

Although…

the flowers wouldn’t hurt.

I’m looking for something much simpler:

Respect.

Consistency.

Kindness.

Emotional availability.

Accountability.

And behaviour that broadly matches the words coming out of his mouth.

That’s not perfection.

That’s basic compatibility.

The Biggest Change?

I no longer ask:

“How much can I tolerate?”

I ask:

“How does this relationship make me feel?”

Do I feel calm?

Safe?

Respected?

Valued?

Can I be myself?

Can I express a concern without being punished for it?

Can I say no without being made to feel guilty?

Do his actions make me feel secure rather than confused?

Because I’ve learned something incredibly important:

Confusion is not chemistry.

Anxiety is not passion.

Inconsistency is not mystery.

And constantly wondering where you stand is not a relationship goal.

Three Strikes and You’re Out

So yes, I’m introducing a new rule.

Three red flags.

Three uncomfortable patterns.

Three occasions where the words and actions simply don’t line up.

And I’m not waiting around for strike number four.

I’m not going to argue the case.

I’m not going to hold a tribunal.

I’m not going to call twelve friends for a committee meeting.

I’m not going to write a 3,000-word psychological analysis of why he behaves the way he does.

I’m simply going to say:

“This isn’t for me.”

And walk away.

Because sometimes the most powerful boundary isn’t an argument.

It’s an exit.

I’ve spent enough years settling for less.

These days, I’m not looking for someone I can survive.

I’m looking for someone I can thrive beside.

And if the first three strikes tell me we’re not compatible?

Thank you. Next.

No hard feelings.

No drama.

No courtroom.

Just boundaries.

And possibly…

a very nice glass of wine afterwards.