At this stage of my life, I know something very clearly.

I know what I don’t want.

I don’t want another man who tells me flowers should be left in the garden.

I want flowers because I love them. I want someone who understands that sometimes a bunch of flowers isn’t about practicality—it’s about thoughtfulness.

I don’t want another man who puts everything on a spreadsheet and counts every penny.

I’m not looking for someone who measures the value of everything in euros. I want generosity of spirit. Someone who understands that giving isn’t about how much something costs. It’s about thought, kindness and wanting to make someone happy.

I don’t want another man who can’t be bothered to meet me at the airport.

I want someone who is genuinely excited to see me. Someone who wants to be there when I arrive, not simply collect me when it is convenient.

I don’t want another man who doesn’t want to visit my family.

The people I love matter to me. I want someone who wants to know them, spend time with them and become part of my world—not someone who keeps himself separate from it.

I don’t want another man who is mean or cruel.

Life is too short to live alongside someone who makes kindness feel like a luxury.

I don’t want another man who is socially unaware.

I want someone who notices people. Someone who understands situations, reads the room, shows consideration and knows that other people’s feelings matter too.

I don’t want another man who is arrogant and always puts himself first.

I want partnership.

Not competition.

Not one person constantly taking while the other gives.

I want someone who thinks “we”, not simply “me.”

I don’t want another man who thinks gifts and presents are only for Christmas or birthdays.

I want the unexpected gesture.

The favourite chocolate bought because they thought of me.

The book they saw and knew I would love.

The flowers bought for no particular reason.

The little things that say:

“I was thinking about you.”

I don’t want another man who is cheap in every way.

And I don’t mean financially.

There is a difference between being sensible with money and being miserly with affection, generosity, time, effort and kindness.

I want someone generous with his heart.

I don’t want another man who doesn’t care about his appearance.

I want someone who takes pride in himself. Not someone obsessed with looking perfect, but someone who makes an effort because he respects himself and the person beside him.

I don’t want another man who complains about everything and everyone.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life listening to negativity.

I want laughter.

Curiosity.

Adventure.

Someone who can still see what is good in the world.

I don’t want another man who is always ill, always has something wrong, or makes every day revolve around his problems.

I want someone who takes responsibility for his wellbeing and doesn’t make his partner his permanent caretaker.

And perhaps most importantly…

I don’t want another man who doesn’t know how to love someone.

Not someone who simply says “I love you.”

I want someone who understands what love actually requires.

Love is consideration.

Love is effort.

Love is tenderness.

Love is showing up.

Love is listening.

Love is generosity.

Love is affection.

Love is laughing together.

Love is caring about the other person’s happiness.

Love is remembering the little things.

Love is making room for another person in your life.

Love is choosing each other—not just when everything is easy, but when life isn’t.

I’m Not Asking For Too Much

Perhaps there was a time when I would have questioned whether these expectations were unreasonable.

Not anymore.

I have learned that knowing what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do want.

This isn’t about finding a perfect man.

I’m not looking for perfection.

I’m looking for compatibility, kindness, generosity, emotional intelligence, affection and genuine partnership.

I don’t want to spend another decade teaching a grown man how to love me.

I don’t want to beg for thoughtfulness.

I don’t want to explain why kindness matters.

I don’t want to convince someone that affection is important.

I don’t want to shrink my needs so that someone else’s limitations feel more comfortable.

I’ve spent enough of my life accepting what I didn’t want.

Now I know.

And knowing what I don’t want makes it much easier to recognise what I do want.

A man who is kind.

A man who is generous in spirit.

A man who makes an effort.

A man who is emotionally available.

A man who is curious about my world.

A man who enjoys giving as much as receiving.

A man who can laugh.

A man who can communicate.

A man who knows how to love.

And above all…

A man whose presence makes my life better—not smaller.