One of the most difficult questions survivors ask is:

“How could someone enjoy causing another person so much pain?”

For those who have never experienced coercive control, emotional abuse, or psychological manipulation, the idea that another human being could derive satisfaction from another person’s suffering seems incomprehensible.

Yet psychology and neuroscience provide important insights into why some individuals repeatedly engage in cruel, degrading or controlling behaviour.

The Need for Power

At its core, sadistic behaviour is not primarily about strength.

It is about power.

Many individuals who repeatedly humiliate, intimidate or psychologically torture others experience a profound need to dominate. Their sense of identity, self-worth and emotional stability becomes dependent on feeling superior to someone else.

While every individual is different, research suggests that chronic cruelty is often associated with a combination of personality traits such as narcissism, psychopathy, antisocial characteristics or what psychologists call everyday sadism—finding pleasure in another person’s discomfort without necessarily meeting the criteria for a personality disorder.

The victim is not simply a target.

The victim becomes a source of emotional regulation.

The Brain’s Reward System

The human brain is designed to reward behaviours that it perceives as beneficial.

Whenever we experience success, excitement or anticipation, the brain releases dopamine within the mesolimbic reward pathway, particularly involving areas such as the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and the nucleus accumbens.

Dopamine is often misunderstood as the “pleasure chemical.”

In reality, it is more accurately described as a chemical involved in motivation, reinforcement and learning. It teaches the brain, “That behaviour achieved something important—do it again.”

For someone who seeks power through domination, every successful act of intimidation may activate this reward system.

If threatening someone produces compliance…

If humiliation produces fear…

If manipulation produces control…

The brain learns that these behaviours are effective.

Over time, those neural pathways become stronger through a process known as neuroplasticity.

The more frequently a behaviour is repeated and rewarded, the more automatic it can become.

Adrenaline and Emotional Arousal

Cruel behaviour is not only linked to dopamine.

Acts of confrontation, intimidation and aggression also activate the body’s stress response.

Adrenaline increases:

• Heart rate
• Blood pressure
• Alertness
• Energy
• Emotional intensity

For some individuals, this heightened physiological state becomes exciting rather than distressing.

Conflict becomes stimulating.

Chaos becomes familiar.

Drama becomes emotionally rewarding.

Many survivors notice that abusive individuals appear energised during arguments. They may become calmer only after upsetting someone else.

This does not necessarily mean they consciously enjoy violence itself. Rather, their nervous system may become conditioned to seek the heightened arousal that conflict provides.

Emotional Emptiness

Many abusive individuals appear outwardly confident.

Internally, however, they may experience chronic insecurity, shame, emotional emptiness or an unstable sense of self.

Healthy people regulate these feelings through meaningful relationships, purpose, empathy and emotional connection.

Individuals with strong sadistic traits often regulate themselves differently.

Instead of building themselves up…

They pull others down.

Each act of control provides temporary relief from feelings of inadequacy.

Unfortunately, like many unhealthy coping strategies, the relief is short-lived.

The emotional void returns.

The cycle begins again.

Why Escalation Often Occurs

One reason abuse frequently escalates is because the brain adapts.

Neuroscientists call this habituation.

The same behaviour gradually produces a weaker emotional response.

To achieve the same feeling of power or excitement, increasingly severe acts may be required.

This pattern is seen in many forms of compulsive behaviour.

What once produced satisfaction eventually feels ordinary.

The individual then seeks greater control, more manipulation, more humiliation or greater psychological dominance.

This does not mean every abusive person will inevitably become more dangerous, but it helps explain why many survivors describe abuse that intensifies over months or years.

The Empathy Network

Healthy relationships rely on empathy.

Brain regions such as the anterior insula, anterior cingulate cortex and parts of the prefrontal cortex help us recognise and respond to another person’s emotional state.

When empathy is functioning well, another person’s distress creates an internal signal that says:

“Stop.”

“You’re hurting someone.”

Individuals with high levels of callousness or psychopathic traits often show reduced emotional responsiveness to others’ suffering. This does not mean their brains are “broken,” but rather that the emotional systems that normally inhibit cruelty may function differently or be overridden by other motivations.

Why Victims Are Never Responsible

Survivors often ask:

“Why me?”

The answer is rarely about the victim.

Abusive individuals usually seek people who possess qualities they can exploit:

• Kindness
• Loyalty
• Patience
• Forgiveness
• Empathy
• Hope

These are strengths—not weaknesses.

The tragedy is that these strengths are manipulated against the survivor.

Can Someone Like This Change?

Meaningful change is possible only when an individual accepts full responsibility for their behaviour and commits to long-term therapeutic work.

Unfortunately, those with pronounced narcissistic, psychopathic or sadistic traits often externalise blame, minimise harm or portray themselves as the true victim. Without genuine accountability, lasting change is uncommon.

The Survivor’s Healing Brain

The encouraging news is that the same neuroplasticity that reinforces abusive behaviour also supports recovery.

Trauma changes the brain—but healing changes it too.

Through therapies such as EMDR, somatic approaches, mindfulness, trauma-focused cognitive therapy and safe, supportive relationships, the brain can form new neural pathways that reduce fear, restore emotional regulation and rebuild a sense of safety.

Recovery is not about forgetting what happened.

It is about teaching your brain that the danger has passed.

Every peaceful morning, every healthy relationship, every boundary you maintain and every act of self-compassion strengthens new neural pathways.

The survivor’s brain is remarkably adaptable.

The same brain that once learned fear can learn peace.

And that may be the greatest triumph of all—not simply surviving cruelty, but rewiring the brain for freedom, safety and hope.