Beauty and cruelty are not simply about appearance. In psychology and neuroscience, the qualities that make someone beautiful “inside and out” are usually linked to empathy, emotional regulation, kindness, integrity, and healthy relationships. Cruelty and sadism are often associated with low empathy, entitlement, hostility, unresolved trauma, personality disorders, or learned patterns of domination and control.… Read More Beautiful Person vs Cruel Person
People often imagine that the decision to leave an unhealthy relationship comes after one dramatic event. In reality, it is often the accumulation of hundreds, even thousands, of moments. A wet towel left on the floor. Dirty clothes scattered around the house. Toenail clippings left where someone else has to clean them up. A toilet… Read More The Moment You Realise You Should Have Left Years Ago
There comes a point in some family relationships when it becomes necessary to stop listening to explanations and start looking at patterns. If decades have passed with no shared holidays, no family celebrations, no meaningful effort to spend time together, no shared Christmases, no birthdays unless you organise and pay for everything yourself, it is… Read More When Decades of Distance Tell Their Own Story
One of the most painful forms of self-deception can occur when a parent desperately wants to believe what their adult child is saying, while ignoring what their adult child’s actions are showing them. Most parents want to see the best in their children. They want to believe the promises, the reassurances, and the comforting words.… Read More When Words and Actions Tell Different Stories
One of the most painful situations an ageing parent can face is when their adult children make it clear they don’t want to be involved in their care, wellbeing, or future. The reality is that some people are happy for someone else to carry the responsibility. They may not want to help, visit, support, or… Read More When the Children Don’t Want to Know
Moral disengagement, developed by Albert Bandura. They describe how people can commit, justify, or tolerate harmful behavior while preserving a positive view of themselves. Here’s a fuller explanation: 1. Moral Justification Harmful actions are reframed as serving a noble, moral, or necessary purpose. Examples: “I did it to protect my family.” “The abuse was for… Read More Moral Justification
Three doctors (one in France and two in Spain), three psychologists (one in France and two in Spain), a forensic psychologist in the UK, friends in three countries, and family members all reached the same conclusion. They could not all be wrong. It took many years and many attempts before I finally made the decision… Read More Abuse Assessment Checklist
One of the hardest lessons many people learn in an abusive relationship is that no amount of love, patience, sacrifice, pleading, reasoning, or counselling can force another person to change. You cannot control someone else’s behaviour. You cannot make them stop lying. You cannot make them stop manipulating. You cannot make them stop being verbally,… Read More The One Person You Can Change Is You
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
