History and everyday life are full of people who appeared charming, generous and respectable while privately causing harm. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as impression management—carefully controlling how others see you while behaving very differently behind closed doors. Fake kindness is not simply being polite. It is kindness with an agenda: to gain admiration, control, power… Read More Fake Kindness: When Goodness Is a Performance
There is a question people often ask quietly, sometimes after years of pain, confusion, or witnessing behaviour they could never quite make sense of. What happens in the end when someone spends a lifetime cheating, lying, or abusing others? It is not an easy question, and it is rarely asked from a place of curiosity… Read More When a Life Is Built on Lies, Control, or Abuse — What Eventually Happens?
It can be striking — and sometimes unsettling — to notice how many people present a version of life that appears polished, organised, and “together” on the outside, while very different realities may exist underneath. Families that look harmonious. Homes that appear calm and well-ordered. Lives that seem stable, successful, or even effortless from a… Read More The Illusion of “Perfect” Lives: What We Don’t See Beneath the Surface
You can pray every day and still be cruel. You can sit in the front row of every place of worship and still make someone cry when you get home. You can donate thousands to charity and still withhold kindness from the people who need it most. You can speak beautifully about truth, honesty and… Read More The Kindness That Nobody Sees
“The people who shout ‘Tell me the truth!’ the loudest are sometimes the ones hiding the most.” Psychology and neuroscience suggest several reasons why this can happen, although it is not true of everyone. Some people genuinely value honesty, while others use demands for honesty as a way to control or deflect attention. Behaviour Possible Psychology… Read More There is an old saying:
430 views in 24 hours on Facebook alone is a sign that the subject resonated with people, but it doesn’t necessarily mean everyone viewing it has experienced abuse themselves. There are several psychological and social reasons why posts like this attract attention. Looking at the image, it appears to be a handwritten letter beginning: “I… Read More 430 Views in 24 hours
One of the most confusing experiences for survivors is discovering years of letters, cards and messages saying: “I’m sorry.” “I know I’ve hurt you.” “I’ll change.” Yet the behaviour never changes. How can someone repeatedly acknowledge their actions and still continue the same pattern for decades? The Cycle of Abuse Psychologists have long recognised a… Read More Why Do Serial Abusers Leave a Trail of Apologies? The Psychology and Neuroscience Behind the Pattern
One of the most frustrating experiences reported by survivors is not only the abuse itself, but the reaction they receive when they finally disclose it. A relative may say: “I doubt he’ll kill you.” “He wouldn’t do that.” “You’re overthinking it.” “Just leave and move on.” Then, when separation or divorce begins, the same relative… Read More I doubt he’ll kill you.
A phenomenon that psychologists sometimes call normalcy bias, optimism bias, and, in some cases, epistemic injustice. When someone finally discloses domestic abuse and hears responses such as: “I doubt he’ll kill you.” “You’ll both meet someone else and move on.” “Every couple argues.” the speaker may think they are being reassuring. However, from a psychological perspective, they may… Read More Epistemic injustice.
Coercive control is often misunderstood because many people imagine abuse as a series of isolated violent incidents. In reality, coercive control is usually a pattern of domination that gradually strips away a person’s freedom, confidence, independence, and sense of self. 1. The abuse develops gradually The relationship may start with affection, attention, promises, and emotional connection. Control… Read More The abuse develops gradually
