The experiences children have in abusive homes can profoundly shape how they see relationships, trust, and gender as adults. However, it is important to be careful not to assume that all boys who witness abuse will become “women haters.”

Many boys who grow up watching their father or another male figure shout, insult, swear at, belittle, threaten, or control women can develop unhealthy beliefs about women and relationships. They may learn that:

• Women cannot be trusted.
• Relationships are about power and control.
• Anger and intimidation are normal ways to communicate.
• Men are victims of women, or women are victims of men.
• Conflict is solved through aggression rather than respect.

Some boys may grow up feeling deep resentment towards women if they have been exposed to narratives that women are responsible for family problems, financial hardship, divorce, or legal consequences. They may genuinely believe that women are “out to get them” or take their money, even when there is little evidence for these beliefs.

Others may go in the opposite direction. Witnessing abuse can make them determined never to treat a woman the way they saw their mother, sister, or another woman being treated. They may become highly empathetic, respectful partners who actively reject the behaviour they witnessed.

Research and clinical experience show that childhood exposure to domestic abuse increases the risk of:

• Misogynistic attitudes.
• Abusive behaviour in adult relationships.
• Difficulty trusting others.
• Anger problems.
• Mental health difficulties.
• Substance misuse.

But it does not guarantee these outcomes. Many factors influence the path a child takes, including supportive adults, education, therapy, healthy role models, and their own personal choices.

One of the greatest dangers of growing up in an abusive household is that children often mistake what is familiar for what is normal. If a boy spends years hearing women called names, blamed for everything, accused of greed, or treated as enemies, those beliefs can become deeply embedded unless they are challenged.

The cycle can be broken, but only when the abuse is acknowledged, the myths are challenged, and children are shown healthier ways of relating to others.

As the saying goes: children may not always do what we tell them, but they will often do what they see. Breaking the cycle begins by recognising the lessons abuse teaches and replacing them with lessons of respect, accountability, empathy, and equality.