That is one of the questions almost every survivor asks themselves: “Why could everyone else see it, and I couldn’t?” The answer is usually much simpler—and kinder to yourself—than you think. You didn’t meet the person everyone else eventually saw. You met the version of him that was charming, attentive, affectionate, and convincing. Abusive people… Read More “Why could everyone else see it, and I couldn’t?”
No survivor of abuse wakes up and says, “Today, I’ll spend my time in a police station, reporting the person I once loved.” No one who is already fighting just to survive chooses to put themselves through the overwhelming stress of making statements, giving evidence in court, and reliving their trauma in front of strangers. The idea… Read More Deeply Harmful
When someone weaponises scarcity, it’s because they see you as a resource, not a partner. Scarcity is one of the most powerful tools used by controlling and emotionally abusive people. It isn’t always about money. It can be the deliberate withholding of love, affection, time, attention, communication, approval, or even basic kindness. By creating the… Read More Are you just a resource?
Sometimes, the hardest part of healing isn’t the big moments – it’s the memories hidden away in old photographs. As I sorted through years of old holiday pictures, I came across photos from what should have been a happy family trip to Florida. Smiling faces, sunshine, and memories that, to anyone else, would look like… Read More The past happened. It shaped us, but it does not have to own us.
People who kill a partner or ex-partner at homewith a knife or other weapon could face an extra 10 years in prison under plans to strengthen sentencing laws, in a bid to tackle violence against women. https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cvgqnzpwrpzo?
It’s so good to be around family in a relaxed, happy atmosphere. No tension, no control, no lectures, no endless list of jobs being handed out to my grandson, no pressure—just love, laughter, happiness, and enjoying each other’s company. That’s what family should feel like: a place where everyone can simply be themselves, where memories… Read More What genuine love, respect, and peace really look like.
The Big Five Personality Traits, also known as the Five-Factor Model (FFM), is one of the most widely researched and scientifically supported models of personality in psychology. Rather than placing people into fixed “types,” it describes personality as five broad dimensions, with everyone falling somewhere along a spectrum for each trait. It is important to understand that these… Read More Five-Factor Model (FFM)
Professionals in policing, safeguarding, and forensic psychology look for patterns over time, not single events or impressions. They are essentially trying to separate image from behaviour. Here’s how they typically detect things like grooming patterns, coercive control, and “double life” structures: 1. Grooming patterns (behavioural sequencing) Grooming is not one action — it’s a process. Investigators look for repetition across… Read More “Double life” structures (compartmentalisation)
Impression management is a well-studied concept in forensic psychology and sociology. It refers to the ways individuals deliberately shape how others perceive them—especially to appear normal, trustworthy, or harmless while hiding behaviours, intentions, or risks that would damage that image. In the context of offending behaviour, it is often discussed in relation to “deceptive self-presentation” or “social masking.”… Read More What impression management can look like in practice
In cases involving convicted child sexual offenders or individuals who have admitted such behaviour, researchers and forensic psychologists have identified several possible motivations: To appear “normal” or respectable. Marriage can create an image of stability and trustworthiness, making it less likely that others will suspect harmful behaviour. To gain access to children. In some cases, marriage provides… Read More A wedding ring is not evidence that someone is safe
