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No survivor of abuse wakes up and says, “Today, I’ll spend my time in a police station, reporting the person I once loved.” No one who is already fighting just to survive chooses to put themselves through the overwhelming stress of making statements, giving evidence in court, and reliving their trauma in front of strangers.

The idea that a survivor is looking to “win,” “get even,” or seek revenge is not only misguided—it is deeply harmful.

For most survivors, speaking out is never the first choice. It is the last resort. A desperate attempt to stop the abuse after every other option has failed.

Surviving abuse is exhausting. Many people spend every day simply trying to hold their lives together while carrying the invisible weight of trauma. They live with emotional and physical scars, struggle with anxiety, depression, or PTSD, and often have very little support. Many are trying to rebuild their lives while navigating financial hardship, attending appointments with doctors, psychologists, therapists, and social workers, all while facing systems that can be slow, dismissive, or difficult to navigate.

No one walks away from a comfortable, loving home to live alone unless they have a compelling reason to do so.

I never committed adultery. I didn’t leave my marriage for someone else. I honoured my marriage vows. I stayed far longer than was healthy because I believed in commitment and hoped things would change.

When I finally left, it wasn’t because I wanted to—it was because I had to.

Today, I am free. Free to live my life in peace. Free to make my own choices. Free from fear, control, and abuse.

So, to those who stand on the sidelines judging, gossiping, or pointing fingers without knowing the truth—shame on you.

Survivors of abuse do not deserve suspicion or condemnation. They deserve respect. They deserve dignity. They deserve to be believed. And above all, they deserve the chance to rebuild a life that abuse tried so hard to destroy.

Because leaving isn’t giving up.

Sometimes, leaving is the bravest thing a person will ever do.