Looking at someone’s social media presence and the people connected to them can sometimes provide useful context, but it’s important to recognize its limits. Social media often reflects a curated version of someone’s life, and you can’t reliably infer abuse or criminal behavior from associations alone. If you’re trying to understand whether someone may have… Read More History of abuse
In many countries, there is no public database that lets you search another person’s history, but there are schemes that allow people at risk to ask police for relevant information. For example: United Kingdom: Clare’s Law allows someone to ask the police if a current or former partner has a history of domestic abuse or… Read More Checking them out
Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
When I recovered the backup drive after the computer had been wiped, I wasn’t simply recovering digital files. I was recovering part of my own history. For years, I had kept documents, photographs, correspondence, and records that helped me make sense of what I had lived through. Some of those files became important evidence during… Read More The Backup Drive: Recovering More Than Files
People often ask me when I’m going to write my book. My answer is always the same. I’m waiting for the divorce to be finalised. For a long time, I simply wasn’t ready to write it. After decades of living with abuse, my priority wasn’t telling my story—it was healing from it. Trauma recovery takes… Read More Waiting for the Final Chapter Before I Write the Next One
One of the most unexpected parts of healing has not been what I see in myself, but what other people see in me. Recently, friends, family, and even people I haven’t seen for a while have been making similar comments. “You look so much more relaxed.” “You seem more confident.” “You’re glowing.” “You smile so… Read More “You Look Different”: The Neuroscience of Finally Feeling Safe
During a conversation this morning, someone said something that resonated deeply with me: “He never wanted you to be happy. He was so miserable with his own life and himself long before he met you that he was determined to destroy any happiness you experienced.” Whether or not we can ever know another person’s true… Read More “He Never Wanted Me to Be Happy”: The Psychology and Neuroscience Behind This Behaviour
Trauma can leave survivors questioning their own memories, doubting their judgement, and wondering whether what they experienced was “bad enough” to matter. This self-doubt is often the result of years of gaslighting, manipulation, and coercive control, where the perpetrator repeatedly distorts reality until the survivor begins to mistrust their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The psychological… Read More When Abuse Is Minimized: The Hidden Psychological Harm
For many survivors, divorce is one chapter. A financial settlement is another. Neither of those processes necessarily addresses what happened behind closed doors. Legal matters determine how assets are divided, where people live, and how finances are resolved. They do not automatically acknowledge years of coercive control, emotional abuse, psychological manipulation, intimidation, or violence. For many… Read More Why Having Abuse Recognised Matters: The Psychology and Neuroscience of Acknowledgement
For many survivors, seeking justice and acknowledgement is an important part of the healing journey. It is not about dwelling on the past or reopening old wounds—it is about having their experiences recognised, understanding their rights, and knowing that what happened to them matters. Whether through the criminal justice system, civil proceedings, or simply gaining… Read More Cross-border domestic abuse
