Nothing would surprise me anymore. And perhaps that is one of the hardest lessons life can teach you. We like to believe that the terrible things we hear about happen somewhere else. To other families. To other children. To people we don’t know. We tell ourselves: “That would never happen in our family.” But that sentence… Read More Never Believe It Couldn’t Happen in Your Family
We like to believe that predators are strangers. Someone lurking in a dark alley. Someone we would immediately recognise as dangerous. Someone who “looks like a predator.” But the uncomfortable truth is that people who pose a risk to children do not always look frightening. Sometimes they are familiar. Sometimes they are charming. Sometimes they… Read More The Predators Among Us
If an abuser discloses something genuinely disturbing about another family member—especially something suggesting a child or grandchild may be at risk—the safest approach is not to dismiss it, but also not to investigate it yourself. A sensible framework is: Most importantly, don’t make the child responsible for proving anything. The adults around them should create safety and… Read More Take the disclosure seriously enough to act
Sometimes you don’t need someone to shout. You don’t need someone to threaten you. You don’t even need them to be in the same room. Sometimes the knowledge that they are there is enough. That is the power of intimidation. And after experiencing abuse, one of the greatest reliefs can be discovering what life feels like… Read More Intimidation: An Abuser’s Favourite Weapon
Please Stop Sending Me Letters About His Past I am going to make this very clear. I do not want any more letters, messages or correspondence about his past, his behaviour in France, or events that took place there. I am no longer interested in hearing about what happened in France, receiving other people’s accounts… Read More Please Stop Sending Me Letters About His Past
There comes a point in life when you finally stop negotiating with nonsense. I’ve reached mine. I am no longer putting up with bad behaviour, empty promises, abuse of any kind, meanness, misery or miserly behaviour. And before anyone gets worried, no — I haven’t suddenly become difficult. I’ve simply become awake. I Don’t Want a Project… Read More I’d Rather Be Alone Than Compromise
Once upon a time, I was an excellent candidate for the “Give Him Another Chance” Olympics. I could explain away almost anything. “He’s just tired.” “He’s had a difficult past.” “Maybe I misunderstood.” “He probably didn’t mean it like that.” “He says he cares, so perhaps I should focus on his words.” Oh, how wonderfully accommodating… Read More Three Strikes and You’re Out: My New Dating Philosophy
At this stage of my life, I know something very clearly. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want another man who tells me flowers should be left in the garden. I want flowers because I love them. I want someone who understands that sometimes a bunch of flowers isn’t about practicality—it’s about thoughtfulness.… Read More I Know What I Don’t Want
When you meet someone for the first time, pay attention to what they do, not just what they say. First impressions aren’t about making an instant judgement or deciding that one small behaviour tells you everything about a person’s character. They are about observing. How do they treat you? Do they make an effort? Do they listen… Read More First Impressions Count: Observe Behaviour
Love should never require you to ignore your instincts. Whether you’re dating for the first time in years, rebuilding your life after abuse, or simply wanting to make wiser relationship choices, these questions can help you slow down, observe patterns, and make informed decisions. No single answer proves someone is abusive—or that they are safe.… Read More A Relationship Safety Checklist: Questions Everyone Should Ask Before Committing
