One of the most frustrating phrases survivors hear during divorce is: “The marriage has broken down due to irreconcilable differences.” Sometimes that is true. People do grow apart. They fall out of love. They want different futures. Those are genuine irreconcilable differences. But abuse is not one of them. When a relationship ends because one… Read More Stop Calling Abuse “Irreconcilable Differences”
For many years I listened to couples talk about being a “team.” At the time, I understood the words, but I didn’t truly understand what they meant. Looking back after more than three decades of marriage, I realise something heartbreaking: I was never part of a team. Many survivors of controlling, abusive or one-sided relationships… Read More What Does Teamwork in a Relationship Really Mean?
15 Days from Freedom Fifteen days from freedom. Of course, he chose today. By now, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Three years ago, I made a choice I deeply regret. Despite my knowledge and experience in trauma therapy, I believed I could manage the situation once I escaped the isolation of France. I convinced myself… Read More “Your Body Knows Before Your Mind Accepts It.”
That is one of the questions almost every survivor asks themselves: “Why could everyone else see it, and I couldn’t?” The answer is usually much simpler—and kinder to yourself—than you think. You didn’t meet the person everyone else eventually saw. You met the version of him that was charming, attentive, affectionate, and convincing. Abusive people… Read More “Why could everyone else see it, and I couldn’t?”
Impression management is a well-studied concept in forensic psychology and sociology. It refers to the ways individuals deliberately shape how others perceive them—especially to appear normal, trustworthy, or harmless while hiding behaviours, intentions, or risks that would damage that image. In the context of offending behaviour, it is often discussed in relation to “deceptive self-presentation” or “social masking.”… Read More What impression management can look like in practice
There have been many high-profile marriages where people later alleged or acknowledged that the relationship concealed something important. However, it is essential to distinguish between confirmed facts, the person’s own statements, and speculation or rumours. Marriages used to conceal sexual orientation Throughout history, particularly when homosexuality carried severe social or legal consequences, some people entered what are often… Read More A marriage certificate is not evidence of a healthy relationship
Sometimes it feels as though every time one question is answered, another emerges. Just when you think you’ve reached the end, another letter arrives. Another email. Another message. Another person quietly steps forward and says, “There’s something you should know.” Some knew him years ago. Some knew him in another country. Some knew him long… Read More Does It Ever End?
There are many legitimate and illegitimate reasons why someone might wipe a computer’s hard drive or keep an old phone locked. However, in the context of an investigation or legal dispute, these actions can raise questions and may prompt further examination. Some possible reasons include: Innocent reasons Protecting personal privacy before selling or disposing of… Read More Erasing Evidence
Parents are a child’s first teachers. Children learn values not from lectures, but from what they see, hear, and experience every day. When parents encourage honesty, integrity, and respect, children are more likely to develop those qualities themselves. But when parents encourage cheating, lying, manipulation, or disrespect, they teach a very different lesson. A parent… Read More Parents Who Encourage Cheating, Lying, and Disrespect
Sadism in families refers to situations where a family member gains satisfaction, pleasure, a sense of power, or emotional gratification from causing another family member pain, distress, humiliation, fear, or suffering. This does not always involve physical violence. In many families, sadistic behaviour is emotional or psychological. Examples can include: Deliberately humiliating a child, partner,… Read More Sadism
