As I’ve been packing to move house, I’ve found myself looking through boxes of old photographs. It’s remarkable how much a photograph can reveal. Not just where you were. But who you were becoming. At first glance, I was smiling in many of them. But when I looked more closely, I saw something I hadn’t noticed… Read More The Woman in the Photographs
There is a lesson I wish someone had impressed upon me many years ago. Don’t rush into another relationship simply because the last one has ended. Give your mind time. Give your body time. Give your nervous system time. Because when we haven’t healed, we are far more likely to overlook things we would normally… Read More Don’t Rush Into the Next Relationship. Heal First.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned is this: Never apologise for expecting a kind, generous and loving life. For years, I was told I had been “spoilt” because of the way I had been brought up. The irony is that what I experienced growing up wasn’t extravagance. It was simply normal. My mother was… Read More Never Lower Your Standards to Fit Someone Else’s Limitations
Today, something unexpected happened at the padel court. A rat darted across our path. There was the usual shriek, a few people jumped, and then everyone burst into laughter. Without missing a beat, I smiled and said: “I’m used to rats… I lived with one for 32 years!” The laughter was instant. Not because anyone… Read More The Rat at the Padel Court
There is one sentence I have replayed in my mind many times over the years. “I was warned… but I chose to ignore it.” At the time, I wanted to believe people could change. I wanted to believe love, patience and understanding would be enough. So, when someone in the village where I lived in… Read More “I Was Warned… But I Chose to Ignore It”
One of the clearest lessons I have learned is this: Pay attention to how someone treats those who are most vulnerable. Not how they treat people they want to impress. Not how they behave when others are watching. But how they treat those who have little power to defend themselves. Children. Older people. Animals. A… Read More When Cruelty Becomes a Pattern
One question I hear surprisingly often is: “Why is his ex-wife still watching me?” Sometimes it isn’t just your social media. It’s your children’s. Your family members’. Your friends’. Months or even years after the relationship has ended, she still seems interested in what is happening in your life. Why? The honest answer is that only… Read More Why Is His Ex-Wife Still Watching You? The Psychology of Social Media Monitoring
One of the most valuable lessons neuroscience and psychology teach us is this: Behaviour that is repeated over many years often becomes a deeply ingrained habit. Our brains become efficient at repeating behaviours that have produced a desired outcome in the past. Through reinforcement and habit formation, certain ways of thinking and acting can become… Read More Observe the Pattern, Not Just the Person
One of the strongest predictors of future behaviour is past behaviour. That doesn’t mean people can’t change—they can. But genuine change usually requires accountability, insight and sustained effort, not simply the passage of time. If someone has repeatedly used relationships to gain financially, manipulated others for money, or left a trail of disputes over finances, it… Read More Before You Commit, Look at the Pattern—Not Just the Promises
One question has surprised me more than any other since rebuilding my life. As I meet new people and they learn that I have left an abusive relationship, the conversation often follows a similar path. “What was your ex’s name?” If they recognise the name, the response is frequently immediate. “Oh… I’ve heard of him.”… Read More “Can I See a Photo of Him?”
