One of the hardest lessons many people learn in an abusive relationship is that no amount of love, patience, sacrifice, pleading, reasoning, or counselling can force another person to change. You cannot control someone else’s behaviour. You cannot make them stop lying. You cannot make them stop manipulating. You cannot make them stop being verbally,… Read More The One Person You Can Change Is You
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
From a psychology and neuroscience perspective, it’s important not to assume that everyone who lives from inherited wealth has the same motives or character. Some inherited wealth and continue working, contributing to society, volunteering, running businesses, or pursuing meaningful goals. However, when someone becomes excessively focused on inheritance, constantly discussing who will inherit, what assets are… Read More Reward and Motivation Systems
When money becomes the focus of nearly every conversation, it often reflects something deeper than simple curiosity about finances. There can be several psychological reasons: Security and Survival For some people, money represents safety. If they grew up with financial insecurity, they may constantly assess what things cost, what people earn, and who owns what… Read More Social Comparison
A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy. When someone says things like “she was never a Samaritan, she was just a gold digger” why would she be interested in someone 25 years her senior? Without evidence, several psychological processes can be at work: Projection People sometimes attribute motives to others that reflect their own way of thinking.… Read More A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy.
You see an old photograph. A beautiful beach. A mountain village. A bustling city square. A restaurant overlooking the sea. For a moment, your mind remembers the sunshine, the laughter, the excitement of discovering somewhere new. You find yourself talking to a friend about that special place, recalling the scenery, the food, the experience. Then,… Read More When the Mind Plays Tricks: Revisiting Places, Reclaiming Memories
One of the most damaging responses a victim can hear is, “I doubt he’ll kill you.” Most people who say this are not being malicious. They simply cannot imagine that someone they know, a family member, friend, colleague, or neighbour, could be capable of such an act. They judge the situation through the lens of… Read More “I doubt he’ll kill you.”
The story of 48-year-old Plymouth nurse and lecturer Claire Chick is one of the clearest and most devastating examples of the dangers of stalking, coercive control, and domestic abuse escalation. Claire repeatedly sought help. Court proceedings heard that she contacted police six times in the months before her death, reporting harassment, stalking, threats, unwanted contact,… Read More “I honestly feel like Butler will kill me if further action is not taken. I am constantly afraid of leaving my house.”
