For many perpetrators, the divorce decree or financial settlement feels like the final chapter. They believe the marriage is over, the paperwork has been signed, and they have escaped accountability. They assume that because the relationship has legally ended, the abuse has been buried with it. But for some survivors, that is not the end… Read More When They Think They’ve Got Away With It
The case is significant not only because of the extreme violence described, but because the court recognized that long-term intimate-partner violence can justify a substantial civil damages award. Justice Susan Vella of the Ontario Superior Court of Justice awarded the woman $400,000 in damages after a nine-day trial. The decision followed a 54-year marriage in which the judge found… Read More Landmark Canadian domestic-abuse judgment.
As I’ve been packing to move house, I’ve found myself looking through boxes of old photographs. It’s remarkable how much a photograph can reveal. Not just where you were. But who you were becoming. At first glance, I was smiling in many of them. But when I looked more closely, I saw something I hadn’t noticed… Read More The Woman in the Photographs
There is a lesson I wish someone had impressed upon me many years ago. Don’t rush into another relationship simply because the last one has ended. Give your mind time. Give your body time. Give your nervous system time. Because when we haven’t healed, we are far more likely to overlook things we would normally… Read More Don’t Rush Into the Next Relationship. Heal First.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned is this: Never apologise for expecting a kind, generous and loving life. For years, I was told I had been “spoilt” because of the way I had been brought up. The irony is that what I experienced growing up wasn’t extravagance. It was simply normal. My mother was… Read More Never Lower Your Standards to Fit Someone Else’s Limitations
Today, something unexpected happened at the padel court. A rat darted across our path. There was the usual shriek, a few people jumped, and then everyone burst into laughter. Without missing a beat, I smiled and said: “I’m used to rats… I lived with one for 32 years!” The laughter was instant. Not because anyone… Read More The Rat at the Padel Court
There is one sentence I have replayed in my mind many times over the years. “I was warned… but I chose to ignore it.” At the time, I wanted to believe people could change. I wanted to believe love, patience and understanding would be enough. So, when someone in the village where I lived in… Read More “I Was Warned… But I Chose to Ignore It”
One of the clearest lessons I have learned is this: Pay attention to how someone treats those who are most vulnerable. Not how they treat people they want to impress. Not how they behave when others are watching. But how they treat those who have little power to defend themselves. Children. Older people. Animals. A… Read More When Cruelty Becomes a Pattern
One question I hear surprisingly often is: “Why is his ex-wife still watching me?” Sometimes it isn’t just your social media. It’s your children’s. Your family members’. Your friends’. Months or even years after the relationship has ended, she still seems interested in what is happening in your life. Why? The honest answer is that only… Read More Why Is His Ex-Wife Still Watching You? The Psychology of Social Media Monitoring
One of the most valuable lessons neuroscience and psychology teach us is this: Behaviour that is repeated over many years often becomes a deeply ingrained habit. Our brains become efficient at repeating behaviours that have produced a desired outcome in the past. Through reinforcement and habit formation, certain ways of thinking and acting can become… Read More Observe the Pattern, Not Just the Person
