If an abuser’s new partner comes to you asking questions about your past, your reaction will usually depend on one key question: Is this about their safety and understanding—or are you being pulled back into something emotionally destabilising? Here are a few common scenarios and how you might respond. 1. They seem genuine, grounded, and… Read More Questions and enquiries
In psychology, “sadistic traits” refer to patterns where a person may derive satisfaction from another person’s discomfort, distress, or humiliation. These traits exist on a spectrum and are not always obvious or extreme. In everyday life, they may show up in subtle relational dynamics rather than overt cruelty. It’s important to approach this topic with… Read More Understanding Harmful Interpersonal Patterns (Including Sadistic Traits)
Sadism isn’t just “being mean” or “cold.” Clinically and psychologically, it refers to a pattern where a person derives pleasure, satisfaction, or a sense of control from causing others discomfort, humiliation, or suffering. It exists on a spectrum—most people don’t meet any clinical threshold, but some traits can show up in everyday behaviour in milder… Read More Sadism
Let’s be honest—when someone hurts you, lies to you, manipulates you, or drains your peace, your brain wants a simple label. Something neat. Something final. Something like: “ugly inside and out.” It feels satisfying in the moment. Like you’ve boxed the whole thing up and put it on a shelf called never again. But here’s the uncomfortable… Read More Stop Calling People “Ugly Inside and Out”
A decent human being is generally understood as someone who consistently behaves in ways that preserve dignity, safety, and fairness for themselves and others — especially when there is no personal gain or when it’s inconvenient. In practical psychological terms, it tends to include: 1. Basic respect for others 2. Empathy and emotional awareness 3. Accountability 4.… Read More A decent human being
It isn’t your job to fix, rescue, or fundamentally rewire another adult’s personality. Neuroscience and psychology are quite clear on that. Core traits like empathy levels, attachment style patterns, emotional regulation habits, and relational “defaults” are shaped over years of development and repeated reinforcement — not corrected through a partner’s effort alone. In other words: you can influence, but… Read More You can’t re-engineer someone!
There’s a point where it stops being “just how they are”and starts becoming how your life feels every single day. When everything is transactional…“How does this benefit me?”“What do I get out of this?”No depth, no warmth, no real emotional exchange — just deals, not connection. And yes, you can understand it.You can even have compassion… Read More “If I stay, there will be trouble…If I go, there will be double…”
Because support isn’t just big gestures. It’s the small, consistent things that say: I see your load, and I’m willing to share it. So yes — beyond babysitting or taking the grandchildren for a few days, it also looks like: Because here’s the psychology behind it: Closeness in adult relationships isn’t maintained by obligation — it’s… Read More When was the last time you made their life easier — not just expected them to make time for you?
If, over the years, the dynamic has been: …then later in life, that dynamic often continues — just in reverse. So yes, it’s worth asking: When was the last time you: Because psychology is very clear on this — relationships are built on reciprocity and emotional safety over time, not obligation. If an adult child experiences… Read More Consistent behaviour creates consistent outcomes.
When an adult child seems distant, transactional, or only interested when there’s something to gain, psychology doesn’t jump straight to “they’re selfish.” It looks at what was reinforced over time. Because behaviour follows patterns like: If a child grows up in an environment where: …they can internalise a very specific belief: “Relationships are based on value… Read More Because behaviour follows patterns
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 