One of the questions I am asked most often is: “How can I spot an abuser before I become emotionally invested?” The truth is that many abusive people do not reveal who they really are on the first date. If they did, very few people would choose to continue the relationship. Instead, abuse often begins… Read More Can You Recognise an Abuser Before You Enter a Relationship?
One of the most painful experiences for survivors of domestic abuse is hearing someone close to them say: “I doubt he’ll kill you.” It may be intended as reassurance, but to someone living with abuse, those words can feel dismissive, minimising, and dangerously out of touch with reality. The truth is that relatives, friends, and… Read More “I Doubt He’ll Kill You” – Why Well-Meaning Relatives Can Get It Wrong
There seems to be a fascinating species that appears whenever accountability comes knocking. Meet The Joker. Not the one from the movies—the one who performs astonishing mental gymnastics to convince everyone they’re the innocent victim while leaving a trail of emotional destruction behind them. According to The Joker, they have never lied, never manipulated, never shouted,… Read More The Joker’s Guide to Looking Whiter Than White
One of the most astonishing aspects of abusive relationships is not always the abuse itself. Sometimes it is what happens afterwards. An abusive partner may deny everything, rewrite history, invent elaborate stories, and even swear under oath that their version of events is the truth. They may accuse their victim of lying, exaggerating, or being… Read More When an Abuser Invents a Story Under Oath… Then Expects You to Take Them Back
Most people feel uncomfortable when they see another human being in pain. Empathy tells us to help. Compassion tells us to comfort. Conscience tells us that another person’s suffering matters. But not everyone responds that way. Some people seem to take satisfaction in another person’s misfortune. Others may quietly hope that someone fails, loses everything,… Read More When Someone Wants Others to Suffer: The Psychology of a Cruel Mind
One of the most confusing experiences for many people in abusive relationships is finally finding the courage to reach out to their partner’s family, only to be met with silence, denial, insults, or even blame. You hope someone will listen. You hope someone will say, “We had no idea. How can we help?” Instead, your message… Read More When You Reach Out to the Family… and Are Met With Silence or Hostility
When relationships are struggling, many people naturally turn to family or close friends for advice. Support from loved ones can be invaluable. It can provide perspective, comfort, and practical help during difficult times. But not all advice is wise. Sometimes, the loudest voices don’t calm the storm—they become part of it. Instead of encouraging communication,… Read More When Family Becomes Fuel Instead of Support: The Psychology of Destructive Interference
It’s the simple things that make the biggest difference. Having choices. Deciding where to go, what to eat, how long to stay, and who to spend time with—without fear or guilt. Being able to join in with the fun without worrying about the cost, being criticised for spending money, or watching the clock because someone… Read More You don’t realise how much of yourself you’ve lost until you’re free.
During a conversation this morning, someone said something that resonated deeply with me: “He never wanted you to be happy. He was so miserable with his own life and himself long before he met you that he was determined to destroy any happiness you experienced.” Whether or not we can ever know another person’s true… Read More “He Never Wanted Me to Be Happy”: The Psychology and Neuroscience Behind This Behaviour
Trauma can leave survivors questioning their own memories, doubting their judgement, and wondering whether what they experienced was “bad enough” to matter. This self-doubt is often the result of years of gaslighting, manipulation, and coercive control, where the perpetrator repeatedly distorts reality until the survivor begins to mistrust their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The psychological… Read More When Abuse Is Minimized: The Hidden Psychological Harm
Trauma • Neuroscience • Emotional Intelligence • Women's Empowerment 