One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy. When someone says things like “she was never a Samaritan, she was just a gold digger” why would she be interested in someone 25 years her senior? Without evidence, several psychological processes can be at work: Projection People sometimes attribute motives to others that reflect their own way of thinking.… Read More A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy.
One of the most damaging responses a victim can hear is, “I doubt he’ll kill you.” Most people who say this are not being malicious. They simply cannot imagine that someone they know, a family member, friend, colleague, or neighbour, could be capable of such an act. They judge the situation through the lens of… Read More “I doubt he’ll kill you.”
When family members involve children or grandchildren in denying, minimizing, or covering up abusive behaviour, it places enormous psychological pressure on everyone involved — especially the younger generations. From a neuroscience and psychology perspective, several dynamics often overlap: For the people witnessing this, the impact can be profound: One of the hardest parts is that… Read More Involving Children and Grandchildren
Some of the strongest human connections are formed when attraction is not primarily driven by money, status, appearance, or social gain, but by deep neurochemical and emotional bonding. Neuroscience shows that humans are biologically wired for attachment. In genuinely intense connections, the brain’s reward, safety, and bonding systems can become highly synchronized between two people.… Read More Deep neurochemical and emotional bonding.
The psychological term most often linked to “love at first sight” is “instant attraction” or “limerence” when the feelings become intense, obsessive, and emotionally consuming. In neuroscience and psychology, researchers also talk about rapid romantic attachment or thin-slice attraction — where the brain forms powerful impressions within seconds. From a neuroscience perspective, something very real does happen, although scientists debate whether it is truly “love”… Read More Limerence
It is often called the “bonding hormone” or “love hormone,” although neuroscience shows its role is more complex than that simple label suggests. When Are Oxytocin Levels Released? Oxytocin release increases during: This is why physically and emotionally intimate relationships can create strong feelings of bonding and emotional attachment. Oxytocin and Romantic Relationships Research suggests oxytocin helps: In healthy… Read More Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter heavily involved in:
It is part of the brain’s mesolimbic dopamine system, often called the reward pathway. What Does the Nucleus Accumbens Do? The nucleus accumbens helps the brain answer questions like: When something emotionally rewarding happens — such as: dopamine activity increases within this system. This creates: That is one reason early romantic attraction can feel euphoric or… Read More Nucleus Accumbens is one of the brain’s key reward and motivation centres and plays a major role in:
Trauma • Neuroscience • Emotional Intelligence • Women's Empowerment 