Tag: relationships

“It Wasn’t Me, It Was My Ex…” — Common Narratives Used After an Abusive Relationship Ends

By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate — Linda C J Turner Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment ©Linda C J Turner

When an abusive relationship ends, the abuse itself often doesn’t disappear. Sometimes, the behaviour changes form. Instead of controlling a partner behind closed doors, the person who was abusive may begin controlling the story. This can be particularly confusing for a new partner, who hears only one version of events. While every situation is different,… Read More “It Wasn’t Me, It Was My Ex…” — Common Narratives Used After an Abusive Relationship Ends

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When Someone Tells You They Are Being Abused: Your Response Matters More Than You Think

It takes enormous courage for someone to disclose domestic abuse. Many survivors have spent months—or even years—wondering whether anyone will believe them. By the time they tell you, they may have rehearsed the conversation hundreds of times in their head. They may be terrified of being judged, blamed or dismissed. How you respond in those… Read More When Someone Tells You They Are Being Abused: Your Response Matters More Than You Think

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“Keep It in the Family” Can Be Dangerous: Why Silence Protects Abuse, Not Victims

For generations, families have repeated the same phrases: “Don’t make a fuss.” “Keep it in the family.” “Think of the children.” “Don’t tell anyone.” “You’ll ruin the family.” “Just keep the peace.” On the surface, these words may sound like they are protecting the family. Too often, they are protecting the abuse. Silence Gives Abuse… Read More “Keep It in the Family” Can Be Dangerous: Why Silence Protects Abuse, Not Victims

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Stop Calling Abuse “Irreconcilable Differences”

One of the most frustrating phrases survivors hear during divorce is: “The marriage has broken down due to irreconcilable differences.” Sometimes that is true. People do grow apart. They fall out of love. They want different futures. Those are genuine irreconcilable differences. But abuse is not one of them. When a relationship ends because one… Read More Stop Calling Abuse “Irreconcilable Differences”

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Marriage Guidance Is Not a Treatment for Abuse

One of the most damaging myths surrounding domestic abuse is the belief that marriage counselling can fix it. It can’t. Healthy relationships experience disagreements, communication problems, financial pressures and periods of emotional distance. Marriage counselling can often help couples work through these issues because both partners are willing to listen, take responsibility and work together. Abuse is… Read More Marriage Guidance Is Not a Treatment for Abuse

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“Double life” structures (compartmentalisation)

Professionals in policing, safeguarding, and forensic psychology look for patterns over time, not single events or impressions. They are essentially trying to separate image from behaviour. Here’s how they typically detect things like grooming patterns, coercive control, and “double life” structures: 1. Grooming patterns (behavioural sequencing) Grooming is not one action — it’s a process. Investigators look for repetition across… Read More “Double life” structures (compartmentalisation)

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What impression management can look like in practice

Impression management is a well-studied concept in forensic psychology and sociology. It refers to the ways individuals deliberately shape how others perceive them—especially to appear normal, trustworthy, or harmless while hiding behaviours, intentions, or risks that would damage that image. In the context of offending behaviour, it is often discussed in relation to “deceptive self-presentation” or “social masking.”… Read More What impression management can look like in practice

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A wedding ring is not evidence that someone is safe

In cases involving convicted child sexual offenders or individuals who have admitted such behaviour, researchers and forensic psychologists have identified several possible motivations: It is important to recognise that many people who sexually abuse children do not fit the stereotype of a stranger. They are often known to the child or family and may appear caring,… Read More A wedding ring is not evidence that someone is safe

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