Category: LINDA C J TURNER – Trauma Therapist

Why Abusers Use Illness as a Manipulation Tactic

a terminal illness elicits an immediate sympathetic response from family members and others. This shifts focus away from their abusive behavior and onto their supposed suffering.

The narrative becomes, “How could anyone leave someone who’s dying?” which creates emotional pressure on the victim to stay. An abuser may say things like:

“How can you abandon me when I need you the most?”

“I can’t believe you would leave me to die alone.”

This leverages the victim’s compassion and societal expectations to keep them in the relationship.telling family members they’re terminally ill, the abuser garners support and paints the victim as heartless or selfish for leaving.

This isolates the victim further, as family members may confront or pressure them to return out of misplaced concern for the abuser.Detailed Fabrications:
Some abusers go to great lengths to make their claims believable, including fake medical documents, stories of doctors’ visits, or exaggerated symptoms.Public Displays of Suffering:
They might perform physical symptoms (e.g., fatigue, weakness) or talk extensively about their supposed condition to reinforce the lie.… Read More Why Abusers Use Illness as a Manipulation Tactic

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Why Abusers Pull Family Members Into the Dynamic

By involving family members, the abuser seeks to undermine the victim’s credibility. They may tell lies or exaggerate the victim’s behavior, painting them as irrational, ungrateful, or unstable.

This ensures that if the victim speaks up about the abuse, the family is less likely to believe them. Abusers crave validation for their actions. By getting family members on their side, they reinforce the idea that their behavior is justified or acceptable.

They may frame the abuse as “discipline” or “just how I show love,” making it harder for others to see it for what it really is. The abuser might create tension between the victim and their family. For example:

Spreading lies or rumors to turn family members against the victim.

Highlighting the victim’s flaws or mistakes to others.

This strategy ensures the victim feels isolated even within their own family.Abusers might directly involve family members in the abuse by asking them to intervene or take sides:

“You see how difficult they are to deal with, right?”

“Tell them they’re overreacting—it’s not that bad.”

This coerces family members into unwittingly validating the abusive behavior.… Read More Why Abusers Pull Family Members Into the Dynamic

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Provoking Fear, Anxiety, and Guilt

Share these communications with your divorce attorney. They can assess whether the behavior constitutes harassment, blackmail, or coercion.

Your lawyer may use these emails to strengthen your case, showing the court the kind of tactics being employed against you. If the emails cross the line into threats or illegal behavior, consult with your lawyer about filing a formal complaint.

Blackmail is a crime in many jurisdictions, and if they are threatening to reveal private information unless you settle unfairly, they may face legal consequences.… Read More Provoking Fear, Anxiety, and Guilt

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Provoked

There is never an acceptable excuse for physical abuse, and the idea that someone “provoked” it is a harmful and unjust justification. Blaming the victim by claiming they provoked the abuse shifts responsibility away from the abuser and normalizes violence, which is dangerous and deeply wrong. Physical abuse is a conscious choice. No matter how… Read More Provoked

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Why Coercion Backfires

What Is Blackmail?
Blackmail involves threatening to reveal damaging information unless certain demands are met. It is a manipulation tactic that exploits vulnerability and creates fear of consequences.How Threats Work:
Threats use intimidation, often implying harm—whether physical, emotional, financial, or reputational—if the target does not comply.Desperation or Fear:
The person using blackmail or threats may feel they have no other way to achieve their goal. They may act out of insecurity or a perceived loss of control.Lack of Emotional Intelligence:
Inability to manage emotions or communicate effectively can lead to resorting to intimidation instead of constructive dialogue.Document the Incident:
If the coercion involves blackmail or threats, keep records of communications and interactions. This can be vital if legal action becomes necessary.… Read More Why Coercion Backfires

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Why Do Siblings Lie?

When siblings lie to each other, it can erode trust, create misunderstandings, and weaken the bond between them. Lying, whether intentional or not, often stems from deeper emotional or relational dynamics, such as fear, competition, or insecurity. Understanding the “why” behind the behavior and addressing it constructively is crucial to restoring and maintaining a healthy sibling relationship.… Read More Why Do Siblings Lie?

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Dealing with hypocritical liars and cheats

Dealing with hypocritical liars and cheats, especially those who embezzle money or exploit situations for personal gain, can evoke a powerful mix of anger, disappointment, and disbelief. These individuals often present themselves as moral, upstanding, or trustworthy, but behind the facade, they engage in dishonest and unethical behavior to satisfy their own desires. It can be difficult to comprehend how they can live with themselves, given the harm they cause to others in the process.

What makes it even more frustrating is that these people often seem to avoid real accountability or fail to learn from the consequences of their actions. Instead of reflecting and changing, they might deflect responsibility, blame others, or justify their behavior, continuing to make the same mistakes over and over. This is a pattern that can be especially toxic because it undermines trust, leaves others feeling betrayed, and creates an atmosphere of dishonesty.… Read More Dealing with hypocritical liars and cheats

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