Author: Linda C J Turner

Linda CJ Turner Trauma & Relationship Specialist | Neuroscience & Emotional Regulation | Women 45+ | Emotional Abuse & Coercive Control Recovery You survived it. Now it’s time to heal from it.

Rooted in Jealousy or Resentment

Their Own Unhappiness:
If they’re going through a difficult time in their personal lives—whether it’s loneliness, relationship struggles, or general dissatisfaction—they might project their unhappiness onto you. Misery loves company, and they might (consciously or unconsciously) want to disrupt what they see as your “perfect” life.Rooted in Jealousy or Resentment:
A sibling who is jealous of your relationship might feel left out or compare their own life unfavorably to yours. They may feel threatened by your happiness or by the time and energy you devote to your spouse.… Read More Rooted in Jealousy or Resentment

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Seeking a Carer Not a Wife

What Does This Mean for a Potential Partner?
If you find yourself with someone who appears to be seeking a mother or caregiver rather than a partner, it’s important to assess whether the dynamic feels balanced. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support, not one-sided nurturing. Here are a few things to consider:
Set Boundaries:
If you notice this dynamic, it’s essential to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. Ensure you’re not falling into a role that leaves you feeling more like a caretaker than an equal.
Observe Their Growth:
Are they actively working on themselves? This could mean going to therapy, learning new skills, or making efforts to heal. A willingness to grow signals they’re ready for a partnership rather than just support.
Assess Your Role:
Reflect on whether you’re naturally stepping into a caregiving role. If so, ask yourself if this is what you want or if it might be a pattern worth examining.
Encourage Independence:
A healthy partnership allows both people to thrive independently while supporting each other. If they lean too much on you, gently encourage them to take steps toward managing their own life.… Read More Seeking a Carer Not a Wife

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Trust Your Gut

Narcissists can sometimes operate with self-serving motives, and being cautious is essential. They might charm their way into someone’s life, not out of genuine connection, but to meet their needs—be it emotional, financial, or even logistical, like securing a place to live. Sob Stories: While everyone goes through tough times, repeated tales of being “wronged” can sometimes be a way to elicit sympathy and gain trust.… Read More Trust Your Gut

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Why Abusers Use Illness as a Manipulation Tactic

a terminal illness elicits an immediate sympathetic response from family members and others. This shifts focus away from their abusive behavior and onto their supposed suffering.

The narrative becomes, “How could anyone leave someone who’s dying?” which creates emotional pressure on the victim to stay. An abuser may say things like:

“How can you abandon me when I need you the most?”

“I can’t believe you would leave me to die alone.”

This leverages the victim’s compassion and societal expectations to keep them in the relationship.telling family members they’re terminally ill, the abuser garners support and paints the victim as heartless or selfish for leaving.

This isolates the victim further, as family members may confront or pressure them to return out of misplaced concern for the abuser.Detailed Fabrications:
Some abusers go to great lengths to make their claims believable, including fake medical documents, stories of doctors’ visits, or exaggerated symptoms.Public Displays of Suffering:
They might perform physical symptoms (e.g., fatigue, weakness) or talk extensively about their supposed condition to reinforce the lie.… Read More Why Abusers Use Illness as a Manipulation Tactic

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Why Abusers Pull Family Members Into the Dynamic

By involving family members, the abuser seeks to undermine the victim’s credibility. They may tell lies or exaggerate the victim’s behavior, painting them as irrational, ungrateful, or unstable.

This ensures that if the victim speaks up about the abuse, the family is less likely to believe them. Abusers crave validation for their actions. By getting family members on their side, they reinforce the idea that their behavior is justified or acceptable.

They may frame the abuse as “discipline” or “just how I show love,” making it harder for others to see it for what it really is. The abuser might create tension between the victim and their family. For example:

Spreading lies or rumors to turn family members against the victim.

Highlighting the victim’s flaws or mistakes to others.

This strategy ensures the victim feels isolated even within their own family.Abusers might directly involve family members in the abuse by asking them to intervene or take sides:

“You see how difficult they are to deal with, right?”

“Tell them they’re overreacting—it’s not that bad.”

This coerces family members into unwittingly validating the abusive behavior.… Read More Why Abusers Pull Family Members Into the Dynamic

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Provoking Fear, Anxiety, and Guilt

Share these communications with your divorce attorney. They can assess whether the behavior constitutes harassment, blackmail, or coercion.

Your lawyer may use these emails to strengthen your case, showing the court the kind of tactics being employed against you. If the emails cross the line into threats or illegal behavior, consult with your lawyer about filing a formal complaint.

Blackmail is a crime in many jurisdictions, and if they are threatening to reveal private information unless you settle unfairly, they may face legal consequences.… Read More Provoking Fear, Anxiety, and Guilt

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Provoked

There is never an acceptable excuse for physical abuse, and the idea that someone “provoked” it is a harmful and unjust justification. Blaming the victim by claiming they provoked the abuse shifts responsibility away from the abuser and normalizes violence, which is dangerous and deeply wrong. Physical abuse is a conscious choice. No matter how… Read More Provoked

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Why Coercion Backfires

What Is Blackmail?
Blackmail involves threatening to reveal damaging information unless certain demands are met. It is a manipulation tactic that exploits vulnerability and creates fear of consequences.How Threats Work:
Threats use intimidation, often implying harm—whether physical, emotional, financial, or reputational—if the target does not comply.Desperation or Fear:
The person using blackmail or threats may feel they have no other way to achieve their goal. They may act out of insecurity or a perceived loss of control.Lack of Emotional Intelligence:
Inability to manage emotions or communicate effectively can lead to resorting to intimidation instead of constructive dialogue.Document the Incident:
If the coercion involves blackmail or threats, keep records of communications and interactions. This can be vital if legal action becomes necessary.… Read More Why Coercion Backfires

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