Day 3 – and More Carols
Cant beat a home made sausage roll for another Carol gathering tonight
Author: Linda C J Turner
Linda CJ Turner
Trauma & Relationship Specialist | Neuroscience & Emotional Regulation | Women 45+ | Emotional Abuse & Coercive Control Recovery
You survived it. Now it’s time to heal from it.
Day 1 – Countdown to Xmas
Daily Countdown to Xmas Day 2
Why People Underestimate Your Awareness
Understanding the ‘Bus-and-Hand’ Dynamic
The scenario of being “thrown under a bus” followed by an insincere gesture of care is a textbook example of cognitive dissonance and self-serving behavior. Here’s why it happens: Protecting Their Image:
After causing harm, they offer help not because they care, but because they want to maintain their reputation. It’s less about you and more about ensuring they’re seen as “good.” Guilt Management:
A superficial offer of support helps them soothe their own guilt, whether or not it actually helps you Lack of Authentic Concern:
Genuine care is consistent and begins with concern for your well-being from the outset. When it shows up late and only after harm is done, it’s a red flag.… Read More Why People Underestimate Your Awareness
Deflection of Their Own Pain
When someone prioritizes appearances over love and honesty in their own relationship and then projects their issues onto yours by offering unsolicited or destructive advice, it speaks volumes about their internal struggles and values. Here’s an analysis of what’s likely happening and how it reflects on their character: 1. Deflection of Their Own Pain People in… Read More Deflection of Their Own Pain
People who meddle in relationships
Trying to interfere in someone else’s relationship, especially without knowing the full story, shows a lack of respect for boundaries. Their suggestions to “make matters worse” may also indicate a lack of empathy—they prioritize their own feelings over the well-being of others. 5. Control and Manipulation
This behavior could also point to a manipulative streak. By stirring up doubts, they might feel a sense of power or validation. Unfortunately, this often leads to fractured trust and unnecessary conflict for the people they target.… Read More People who meddle in relationships
The Reality of Leaving an Abuser: What to Expect When You Break Free
They Aim to Leave You in Financial Ruin
Abusers often see financial destruction as a weapon to maintain control long after you’ve left. It doesn’t matter how many years you were together, how much you contributed—financially, emotionally, or through your labor—they will rewrite history to position themselves as the victim and you as undeserving.
They may drain shared accounts, rack up debts in your name, or leave you saddled with expenses while they walk away seemingly unscathed. This is not an accident; their aim is to leave you in a financial hole, struggling to rebuild while they move on quickly. The Facade of Generosity with a New Partner
One of the most devastating tactics abusers employ after a breakup is their rapid involvement with a new partner. They’ll lavish gifts, money, and attention on this person, presenting themselves as generous, loving, and attentive—everything they weren’t with you. To Invalidate Your Truth: By showing off their new relationship to friends, family, and mutual acquaintances, they create a narrative that contradicts any claims of abuse you might make. “How could they be abusive?” people might think. “They’re so kind and giving!”
To Control the New Partner: Beneath the surface, the lavish gestures are rarely genuine. They are bait to draw the new partner into the same cycle of control and abuse. Sadly, by the time the new partner realizes the truth, they are often already emotionally and financially entangled.… Read More The Reality of Leaving an Abuser: What to Expect When You Break Free
The Reality of Leaving an Abuser: Why It’s One of the Most Challenging Decisions You’ll Ever Make
Leaving an abusive relationship is often one of the hardest decisions someone can make, not because they want to stay, but because the aftermath can be tumultuous and fraught with challenges. Abusers thrive on control, and when that control is threatened, they can escalate their behavior to alarming levels. The phrase “things will get worse… Read More The Reality of Leaving an Abuser: Why It’s One of the Most Challenging Decisions You’ll Ever Make
Not what friends and family were expecting!
It’s fascinating—and sometimes a little jarring—how people suddenly reveal their unspoken opinions after a relationship ends. When you’re in the thick of it, most people seem polite or neutral, but once the dust settles, their candor often spills out. It’s as if the breakup gives them permission to share what they were likely too hesitant to voice before, worried it might have upset you or strained the relationship.
Hearing comments about how mismatched you supposedly looked or how they envisioned someone entirely different can feel surreal. You might wonder, Why didn’t anyone say this sooner? Could it have changed things? But the truth is, people usually hold back because they don’t want to interfere or risk being wrong. Love is subjective, after all, and they might have believed your happiness was more important than their personal opinions.… Read More Not what friends and family were expecting!
The Consequences of a “Sweep-It-Under-The-Carpet” Culture: Generational Cycles of Denial
The “sweep it under the carpet” approach is characterized by an unwillingness to confront or acknowledge mistakes, misconduct, or harm. Wrongdoing is met with denial, and individuals are discouraged—even punished—for bringing issues to light. This behavior often serves as a protective mechanism for the family’s collective image, prioritizing appearances over authenticity and emotional well-being.
In such families: Wrongdoings are denied: Even when evidence exists, the default response is to deny any fault or mistake.
Accountability is avoided: No apologies, reparations, or efforts to address the harm are made.
Silence is enforced: Members are pressured to act as though the issue never occurred, with any mention of it being met with defensiveness or further denial.… Read More The Consequences of a “Sweep-It-Under-The-Carpet” Culture: Generational Cycles of Denial
