This pattern is especially damaging for people recovering from abuse because it interacts directly with the brain changes that trauma creates. What feels merely “confusing” to others can be re-traumatising at a neurological level for survivors. Here’s why — clearly, and without blaming you. 1. Abuse rewires the nervous system toward hyper-vigilance During abuse, the brain learns: This sensitises… Read More Safe people
Both withdraw.Only one is driven by fear rather than intent. 2. What’s happening in the brain Avoidant attachment (threat-regulation) They often don’t fully know why they pull away. Deception (risk-management) They know exactly why they are evasive. 3. Behavioural markers you can actually observe Avoidant attachment tends to look like: They may: Deception tends to look like: They may: 4. The Christmas… Read More The core difference (in one sentence)
Here’s what’s happening under the hood. 1. Christmas increases attachment demand → avoidant brains feel threat Christmas activates: For someone with an avoidant or emotionally immature attachment system, this triggers the amygdala (threat detection), not bonding. Their brain interprets Christmas as: “I’m about to be seen, expected, or required.” So instead of moving closer, their nervous system moves away.… Read More Avoidant brains
This usually has far more to do with them than with you. Common reasons include: 1. Emotional self-absorption (not always malicious, but still harmful) Some people live almost entirely inside their own stress, routines, and narratives. When something doesn’t directly touch their world, they don’t register it — even when it should. 2. Avoidance of discomfort… Read More Why some long-term people don’t check in
What real support feels like (not perfect, but safe) Supportive friends and family tend to: They don’t need the full story. Belief and steadiness matter more than details. Why accepting support can feel so hard after abuse If you’ve lived with coercive control, your nervous system may: That isn’t independence — it’s conditioned self-silencing. Letting safe… Read More Support
Christmas can be one of the hardest times when you’re going through a divorce involving domestic abuse. What’s supposed to feel warm and safe often becomes the season where control, grief, and loneliness feel amplified. None of that means you’re failing — it means your nervous system has been through trauma. Here’s what’s actually going on, and how to… Read More Trauma doesn’t take holidays
Dating apps aren’t inherently bad — but they are highly efficient environments for deception. They allow people to present a carefully curated version of themselves with very little accountability, history, or social consequence. And that creates opportunity — not just for romance, but for manipulation. Who Thrives on Dating Apps (and Why) Dating apps are especially attractive… Read More The Hidden Dangers of Dating Apps: Con Men, Pretenders, and Emotional Fraud
Sometimes partners don’t want to spend the holidays together — but the reasons can vary. Here’s how to tell the difference between benign circumstances and potential emotional manipulation: Benign Reasons ✅ Key sign: They communicate openly, show effort to celebrate together another way, and acknowledge your feelings. Red Flags / Emotional Manipulation ⚠️ Key sign: Their absence leaves… Read More Red Flags / Emotional Manipulation
There can be many reasons a partner might not want to spend Christmas with you, ranging from personal circumstances to relationship dynamics. Here’s a trauma-informed, psychology-based breakdown of common factors: 1. Emotional Avoidance 2. Relationship Dynamics 3. Control or Manipulation 4. Personal Circumstances 5. Emotional Immaturity or Self-Centeredness 6. Pattern Recognition Reflection
Ever notice how some people keep ending up in the same kind of unhealthy relationships, making similar mistakes, or choosing situations that feel familiar — even if they hurt? That’s what psychologists call repetition compulsion. It’s a concept from psychodynamic therapy that explains how our past experiences, especially early trauma, can unconsciously influence our choices today. How It… Read More Repetition Compulsion: Why We Keep Repeating the Same Patterns
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 