Coercive control refers to a pattern of abusive behavior in which one person uses various tactics to dominate, manipulate, and control another person, typically within an intimate or familial relationship. Unlike physical abuse, coercive control primarily relies on psychological, emotional, and sometimes economic tactics to exert power and control over the victim. This form of abuse is often insidious and can have profound and long-lasting effects on the victim’s well-being.
It’s cruel to admit to trying to break someone emotionally and then leave reminders of that. This points to a lack of empathy and an intent to inflict lingering pain or confusion. It’s as if they take pride in what they did, which is deeply toxic.… Read More Dysfunctional Controlling Behaviour
Life often brings unexpected opportunities, and one such situation might be an invitation to speak at a Domestic Violence (DV) event—an empowering chance to share your truth and inspire others. However, the dynamics can feel complicated if the invitation comes from a therapist who happens to know your ex. While this connection might initially cause hesitation, it can also be an opportunity to use your voice for good while maintaining confidentiality and protecting your legal standing.… Read More Embrace the Opportunity with Intentionality
Trauma symptoms: Anxiety, depression, and PTSD are common among those exposed to abusive environments.
Learned behaviors: Without intervention, they may mimic abusive or enabling patterns in their own relationships.
Disconnection from self and others: The shame and confusion surrounding family abuse can lead to struggles with identity and trust.… Read More Holding an abuser accountable
Confusion and guilt: They see the abuse but may feel powerless to stop it, especially if the abuser is a parent or authority figure.
Mistrust of adults: Watching family members cover up the abuse can erode their trust in others and in systems meant to protect them.
Normalizing abusive behavior: Growing up in such an environment can make them more likely to replicate abusive or enabling patterns in their own relationships.
Emotional trauma: The ongoing exposure to cruelty, lies, and manipulation creates lasting psychological wounds, often leading to anxiety, depression, or complex trauma.… Read More Doing the decent thing
The warning signs about someone’s abusive and harmful behavior were evident early on, possibly shared by those who knew them well, like their children from a previous relationship. Despite these warnings, they were disregarded or dismissed, and now, decades later, the same patterns are playing out. This realization can be deeply painful, bringing feelings of regret, betrayal, or anger.… Read More The Weight of Ignored Warnings
Even without directly stating what they’ll do, abusers may use behaviors that hint at retaliation, such as:
Smashing objects in anger.
Staring menacingly or following the victim.
Past instances of sudden, uncontrollable violence that serve as a warning.
These actions create an atmosphere of constant fear, where victims feel like any move could lead to an explosion of violence.… Read More How Abusers Use Threats to Silence Victims
Convincing the Victim It’s “For the Best”:
The abuser reframes silence as an act of protection—for the victim, the family, or the relationship itself.
They may say:
“You’ll only make things worse for yourself if you tell anyone.”
“No one will believe you anyway, and it’ll just hurt our family.”
This tactic shifts the focus away from the abuser’s wrongdoing and makes the victim feel responsible for maintaining peace.
Abusers often position themselves as the victim’s sole source of emotional or financial support, making the victim feel they cannot survive without them.
By drip-feeding affection or resources, they ensure the victim remains dependent and unwilling to risk losing the relationship.… Read More Why Abusers Threaten to End Relationships
Many victims fear that speaking out will provoke the abuser into escalating the violence or control. Threats such as, “If you tell anyone, I’ll…” create a chilling effect that silences victims.
Concerns about losing custody of children, financial independence, or even basic safety can trap victims in the abusive situation.… Read More You Deserve Validation
A Multi-Agency Risk Assessment Conference (MARAC) is a confidential meeting where representatives from various agencies come together to discuss the safety of a victim who is at high risk of domestic abuse.… Read More What Is a MARAC?
The DASH model provides a consistent framework across agencies to ensure no warning signs are missed.
Research shows that certain risk factors (e.g., prior strangulation, threats to kill) significantly increase the risk of homicide in domestic abuse situations.
The DASH report helps focus resources on those at greatest risk, potentially saving lives.… Read More DASH Model
