Using a child or grandchild to conceal, excuse, or distract from abusive behaviour is deeply troubling. Children should never be placed in the middle of adult conflict or used to protect someone’s reputation or avoid accountability.

Psychologists recognise this as a form of triangulation—bringing a third person, often a child, into a conflict to influence, manipulate, or shift responsibility. When children are drawn into these dynamics, they can experience confusion, divided loyalties, guilt, and emotional distress. They deserve to be protected, not burdened with adult problems.

Every child has the right to grow up free from manipulation and to form their own relationships without being pressured to take sides or carry the weight of another person’s choices.

Adults are responsible for their own behaviour. Accountability cannot be transferred to a child, nor should a child ever be expected to shield an adult from the consequences of their actions.