| Behaviour | What the person is trying to prevent | Immediate consequence | What the nervous system learns | Long-term effect |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Keeping quiet | Argument, criticism or anger | Temporary peace | “Silence keeps me safer.” | Stops expressing needs, opinions and feelings |
| Appeasing | Escalation or punishment | The other person may calm down | “Giving in reduces the danger.” | Boundaries become weaker; self-abandonment can develop |
| Avoiding | Conflict or confrontation | Anxiety temporarily decreases | “Avoidance keeps me safe.” | Increasingly avoids people, subjects and situations |
| Checking | Unexpected anger or danger | Feeling more prepared and in control | “I must monitor things to stay safe.” | Hypervigilance and constant monitoring |
| Explaining | Being accused, blamed or misunderstood | Temporary reassurance or reduced conflict | “I need to justify myself to be safe.” | Over-explaining, self-doubt and difficulty trusting one’s own judgement |
| Anticipating | The person’s next mood or reaction | A sense of preparedness | “I must predict danger before it happens.” | Constant scanning and difficulty relaxing |
| Monitoring mood | Sudden changes in behaviour | May allow the person to avoid confrontation | “Their emotional state determines my safety.” | Life becomes organised around someone else’s emotions |
| Giving in | Retaliation or prolonged conflict | Conflict ends more quickly | “Resistance makes things worse.” | Learned helplessness and reduced sense of agency |
This table shows the conditioning cycle that can develop when someone repeatedly adapts their behaviour to avoid another person’s anger, criticism, intimidation or violence.
