The worst part is, when they make it all about themselves, it can leave you questioning your own reality. You might even start doubting yourself—”Was it really that bad? Should I have stayed quiet?”—which is exactly what abusers and their enablers want. They don’t want to confront the truth because it’s easier for them to vilify the victim than to acknowledge the deep dysfunction and harm.… Read More Dismissed or ignored
I think it speaks to the resilience of honesty and integrity. When you stand by what is real and authentic, there’s a power in that, even if it doesn’t always seem obvious right away. And sometimes, despite the chaos, things fall into place just as they’re meant to, as if to remind us that justice—whether it’s cosmic, moral, or simply the result of people seeing the truth for themselves—has a way of winning out in the end.… Read More Honesty and Integrity
The Body Remembers: Trauma experts often say that “the body keeps the score.” This means that, for survivors of physical abuse, their body holds onto the pain, even if the mind tries to suppress or forget the memories. Every blow, every push, every bruise can act as a visceral reminder of past abuse, reigniting feelings of fear, helplessness, or shame. For someone who has been abused multiple times, each instance compounds the trauma, making it harder to separate the pain of the present from the past.… Read More The Cycle of Abuse: Trauma That Never Really Ends
Emotional Suppression: Survivors may feel pressure to bury their pain, leading to unresolved emotions that can manifest in anxiety, depression, or even physical ailments.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: When abusers dismiss past harm, they often disregard boundaries. Survivors may struggle to assert themselves in future relationships, unsure whether they have the right to demand respect and accountability.
Re-traumatization: When an abuser refuses to acknowledge their actions, it can re-traumatize the survivor. This dismissal can trigger memories of the abuse, compounding the trauma and delaying healing.
Isolation: Survivors may feel that their pain is invisible or invalid, leading them to withdraw from support systems. If their abuser is a close partner, friend, or family member, this dynamic can lead to a profound sense of isolation.… Read More The Weaponization of “Moving On”
Escalation of Danger: The fact that the abuser is comfortable even talking about the potential lethality of their actions suggests a terrifying comfort with extreme violence. They have already crossed a significant line by strangling their victim and are now trying to assert that they can do worse. This is a major red flag, as it indicates the abuser sees themselves as having ultimate power over the victim’s life, and the situation can easily escalate to a point of no return.
Psychological Terror: Statements like this are designed to erode the victim’s sense of security and create an atmosphere of terror. Even if the abuser isn’t physically harming the victim in that moment, the psychological impact of such a statement can be devastating. The victim is left wondering when or if the abuser will “follow through” on the implied threat. This kind of psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence, as it keeps the victim trapped in a state of constant fear and uncertainty.… Read More Escalation of Danger
Studies have shown that victims who experience non-fatal strangulation are up to 7.5 times more likely to be killed by their abuser later on compared to those who haven’t been strangled. This form of abuse demonstrates a willingness by the abuser to cause significant harm or even death. Strangulation is often an escalation in the cycle of violence, signaling that the abuser is moving into more severe, life-threatening behaviors. Many domestic violence homicides have strangulation in their history, making it one of the most telling red flags in predicting future violence.… Read More Strangulation
The moment physical violence, especially something as serious as strangulation, enters the picture, it’s a clear indicator that the abuser is capable of lethal harm. Strangulation is one of the most dangerous signs of domestic violence — studies show that victims of strangulation are at a much higher risk of being killed by their abuser later on.… Read More Lethal Harm
It’s a hard but powerful truth: we are not obligated to help those who hurt us, especially when it compromises our own healing or sense of self.… Read More Abuse erodes trust
The manipulation that comes with convincing others that you’re “crazy” or unstable is meant to discredit you and minimize your voice. It’s a common tactic used to keep others from believing your version of events or offering you the support you need. When people start to question your credibility, it becomes easier for the abuser to maintain power over you because they’ve essentially dismantled your external sources of validation.
Leaving a situation like this is not just necessary, it’s critical for your well-being and safety. Abuse, especially when it’s this complex and deeply layered, can be hard to recognize while you’re in it because the abuser has often worked slowly and insidiously to erode your sense of self and reality.… Read More “Gaslighting” and Financial Abuse
Some abusers may lack emotional intelligence and the ability to process complex emotions like guilt, shame, or remorse. Instead of facing their feelings, they suppress them and pretend the abuse didn’t occur, further distancing themselves from the emotional and relational damage they’ve caused.… Read More Emotional and Psychological Immaturity
Trauma • Neuroscience • Emotional Intelligence • Women's Empowerment 