Moral disengagement, developed by Albert Bandura. They describe how people can commit, justify, or tolerate harmful behavior while preserving a positive view of themselves. Here’s a fuller explanation: 1. Moral Justification Harmful actions are reframed as serving a noble, moral, or necessary purpose. Examples: Psychological effect: The person sees themselves as righteous rather than harmful. 2.… Read More Moral Justification
Three doctors (one in France and two in Spain), three psychologists (one in France and two in Spain), a forensic psychologist in the UK, friends in three countries, and family members all reached the same conclusion. They could not all be wrong. It took many years and many attempts before I finally made the decision… Read More Abuse Assessment Checklist
One of the hardest lessons many people learn in an abusive relationship is that no amount of love, patience, sacrifice, pleading, reasoning, or counselling can force another person to change. You cannot control someone else’s behaviour. You cannot make them stop lying. You cannot make them stop manipulating. You cannot make them stop being verbally,… Read More The One Person You Can Change Is You
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy. When someone says things like “she was never a Samaritan, she was just a gold digger” why would she be interested in someone 25 years her senior? Without evidence, several psychological processes can be at work: Projection People sometimes attribute motives to others that reflect their own way of thinking.… Read More A pattern of judgment, projection, and hypocrisy.
One of the most damaging responses a victim can hear is, “I doubt he’ll kill you.” Most people who say this are not being malicious. They simply cannot imagine that someone they know, a family member, friend, colleague, or neighbour, could be capable of such an act. They judge the situation through the lens of… Read More “I doubt he’ll kill you.”
When family members involve children or grandchildren in denying, minimizing, or covering up abusive behaviour, it places enormous psychological pressure on everyone involved — especially the younger generations. From a neuroscience and psychology perspective, several dynamics often overlap: For the people witnessing this, the impact can be profound: One of the hardest parts is that… Read More Involving Children and Grandchildren
Some of the strongest human connections are formed when attraction is not primarily driven by money, status, appearance, or social gain, but by deep neurochemical and emotional bonding. Neuroscience shows that humans are biologically wired for attachment. In genuinely intense connections, the brain’s reward, safety, and bonding systems can become highly synchronized between two people.… Read More Deep neurochemical and emotional bonding.
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 