After years of extensive research (and surviving one very determined individual), experts have finally identified a rare condition known as Chronic Correctness Syndrome (CCS).

Common Symptoms

• Believing every disagreement is a personal attack.
• Treating a simple property settlement like a 15-round heavyweight title fight.
• Holding onto contracts as if they are ancient treasure maps.
• Rejecting perfectly reasonable offers because “principle” is apparently worth more than money.
• Recruiting family members as unpaid interns in the Department of Drama.
• Sending emails so offensive they deserve their own museum exhibition.
• Ignoring boundaries, court orders, common sense, and occasionally reality.

Favourite Phrases

• “I’m not difficult.”
• “It’s the principle.”
• “Everyone agrees with me.”
• “I never said that.”
• “You’re the problem.”

Habitat

Often found:

• Arguing with lawyers they are paying.
• Explaining to professionals why the professionals are wrong.
• Turning a straightforward house sale into a multi-season television series.

The Negotiation Process

Normal person: “Let’s split it fairly and move on.”

CCS sufferer: “I’d rather spend £20,000 arguing about £5,000 than admit you might have a point.”

The Family Support Team

Every superhero has sidekicks. Every impossible ex has a committee.

Duties include:

• Forwarding dramatic messages.
• Repeating stories with increasing levels of fiction.
• Nodding enthusiastically.
• Looking confused when facts appear.

The Plot Twist

After two years of threats, blackmail attempts, insults, put-downs, name-calling, offensive emails, delaying tactics, broken promises, and endless control games, the greatest irony emerges:

The only thing they can’t control is the other person finally saying,

“Enough. I’ll take my fair share and get on with my life.”

Final Score

• House: To be divided.
• Lawyers: Well acquainted with everyone’s life story.
• Emails: Approximately 7,463.
• Patience: Negative numbers.
• Peace of mind: Finally making a comeback.

And somewhere, Mr. “I Am Never Ever Wrong” is still preparing his next argument while everyone else is wondering why he didn’t just agree to 50% in the first place.

Sometimes the biggest victory isn’t winning every battle—it’s walking away and never having to play the game again.