There is quite a lot going on psychologically when a woman who has been part of a couple for many years suddenly becomes single through divorce, separation or bereavement. The painful part is that she may lose not only her partner, but an entire social structure. There are several overlapping psychological and neuroscience mechanisms behind this.… Read More Couple friendships can become a closed social system
There is a difference between having a past and having a pattern. Everyone comes into a new relationship with history. Previous relationships, mistakes, regrets, disappointments and difficult experiences are part of being human. But what happens when someone’s history includes violence and abuse across two marriages spanning decades? What if there have been convictions for physical violence?… Read More When the Past Is a Pattern: Should a New Partner Be Told About a History of Violence and Abuse?
The difference between a good conversation and a forgettable one often comes down to something surprisingly simple: Were you actually listening? Not listening while planning what you are going to say next.Not waiting for your opportunity to tell your own story.Not subtly steering the conversation back towards yourself. Actually listening. Being present enough to notice… Read More The Art of a Good Conversation: Why Being Heard Matters
Cruelty can be abuse, but cruelty and abuse are not interchangeable terms. A useful way to understand the progression is: Cruelty describes harmful treatment.Abuse describes a broader pattern of harmful, controlling, exploitative or coercive behaviour. When cruelty becomes repeated, deliberate and part of a pattern that causes physical, emotional, psychological or financial harm, it can properly… Read More When Cruelty Crosses The Line
There are moments in life when human beings are at their most vulnerable. Illness. Hospitalisation. Bereavement. Divorce. Financial crisis. Family emergencies. Exhaustion. Fear. These are the moments when we instinctively expect the people around us to become more compassionate, not less. We expect a friend, partner, relative or trusted person to say: “How can I help?”… Read More When Vulnerability Becomes an Opportunity: The Psychology of Mercenary Behaviour
Sometimes it really is a difference in mindset. Some people value loyalty. Some people value convenience. Some people give generously. Some people take whatever they can get. Some people protect the people they love. Some people talk about them behind their backs. Some people bring peace into your life. Some people drain every ounce of… Read More Not Everyone Deserves Access to You
Sometimes you don’t fully understand what was missing from your previous relationship until you experience something completely different. You meet someone who doesn’t create theatre. They don’t need an audience. They don’t need to convince the world that they are loving. They simply are. The affection is there when nobody is watching. The respect is there… Read More And Then You Meet Someone Who Doesn’t Have to Perform Love
There is a particular kind of behaviour that can be deeply disturbing because what you see on the surface bears little resemblance to what is happening underneath. They smile at you. They tell you everything is fine. They may sit beside you, sleep beside you, share your home and accept your financial support — while… Read More The Two Faces of Betrayal: When the Public Image Is Nothing Like the Private Reality
There is a particular kind of behaviour that can be deeply unsettling because what you see on the surface bears little resemblance to what is happening underneath. They smile at you. They tell you everything is fine. They may sit beside you, sleep beside you, share your home, accept your money, depend upon you financially… Read More The Two Faces of Betrayal: When Someone Smiles at You While Working Against You
When kindness no longer feels like an exception And then, sometimes, you meet someone who feels completely different. Someone who smiles when they see you. Someone who listens — really listens. Someone who jokes with you. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who is playful and spontaneous. Someone who shares. Someone who sings. Someone who… Read More When You Finally Meet Someone Who Feels Different
