The mindset can vary from person to person, so it’s not possible to know exactly what any one individual is thinking. However, psychologists often describe certain patterns of thinking that can underlie persistent blame, resentment, and attempts to undermine others. Some common patterns include: Why this can become a cycle When someone repeatedly thinks this way, the… Read More General psychological patterns
One of the biggest mistakes people make in a new relationship is focusing only on how someone treats them. In the early stages, many people are on their best behaviour. Instead, widen the lens. Look at the quality of their relationships with the people who have known them the longest. While no single factor proves someone… Read More Look Beyond How They Treat You—Look at How They Live
One of the questions I am asked most often is: “How can I spot an abuser before I become emotionally invested?” The truth is that many abusive people do not reveal who they really are on the first date. If they did, very few people would choose to continue the relationship. Instead, abuse often begins… Read More Can You Recognise an Abuser Before You Enter a Relationship?
One of the most painful experiences for survivors of domestic abuse is hearing someone close to them say: “I doubt he’ll kill you.” It may be intended as reassurance, but to someone living with abuse, those words can feel dismissive, minimising, and dangerously out of touch with reality. The truth is that relatives, friends, and… Read More “I Doubt He’ll Kill You” – Why Well-Meaning Relatives Can Get It Wrong
There seems to be a fascinating species that appears whenever accountability comes knocking. Meet The Joker. Not the one from the movies—the one who performs astonishing mental gymnastics to convince everyone they’re the innocent victim while leaving a trail of emotional destruction behind them. According to The Joker, they have never lied, never manipulated, never shouted,… Read More The Joker’s Guide to Looking Whiter Than White
One of the most astonishing aspects of abusive relationships is not always the abuse itself. Sometimes it is what happens afterwards. An abusive partner may deny everything, rewrite history, invent elaborate stories, and even swear under oath that their version of events is the truth. They may accuse their victim of lying, exaggerating, or being… Read More When an Abuser Invents a Story Under Oath… Then Expects You to Take Them Back
Most people feel uncomfortable when they see another human being in pain. Empathy tells us to help. Compassion tells us to comfort. Conscience tells us that another person’s suffering matters. But not everyone responds that way. Some people seem to take satisfaction in another person’s misfortune. Others may quietly hope that someone fails, loses everything,… Read More When Someone Wants Others to Suffer: The Psychology of a Cruel Mind
One of the most painful experiences a person can have is finding the courage to ask for help… only to be ignored. The silence can be deafening. For the person reaching out, it can feel like confirmation that they don’t matter. For the person who ignores them, however, the reasons are often far more psychologically… Read More Why Do Some People Ignore a Cry for Help? The Psychology and Neuroscience Behind It
One of the most confusing experiences for many people in abusive relationships is finally finding the courage to reach out to their partner’s family, only to be met with silence, denial, insults, or even blame. You hope someone will listen. You hope someone will say, “We had no idea. How can we help?” Instead, your message… Read More When You Reach Out to the Family… and Are Met With Silence or Hostility
When relationships are struggling, many people naturally turn to family or close friends for advice. Support from loved ones can be invaluable. It can provide perspective, comfort, and practical help during difficult times. But not all advice is wise. Sometimes, the loudest voices don’t calm the storm—they become part of it. Instead of encouraging communication,… Read More When Family Becomes Fuel Instead of Support: The Psychology of Destructive Interference
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 