Tag: relationships

Dorothy Vallens in Blue Velvet: When Violence, Control and Fear Become Entangled with Desire

An exploration of coercive control, psychological trauma, survival and the devastating consequences of having your autonomy taken away. Trauma & Emotional Abuse | Neuroscience & Emotional Regulation | Relationships & Recovery Dorothy Vallens, the lounge singer played by Isabella Rossellini in David Lynch’s Blue Velvet, is one of cinema’s haunting portrayals of a woman trapped in… Read More Dorothy Vallens in Blue Velvet: When Violence, Control and Fear Become Entangled with Desire

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When suspicion reflects their own standards

Pinocchio with a long nose sitting on a log near a castle at sunset

Dishonest individuals often project their own behaviors onto others, assuming everyone acts similarly. This projection leads to a distorted moral double standard, where they rationalize their dishonesty while condemning others for the same actions. Distinguishing between healthy discernment and chronic suspicion is crucial, as suspicion can stem from past trauma rather than actual deceit.… Read More When suspicion reflects their own standards

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The Warning I Ignored: When Someone Takes Pride in Destroying Their Former Partner

By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate — Linda C J Turner Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment ©Linda C J Turner

The narrative highlights the significance of recognizing early warning signs in relationships, particularly through a recounting of emotional abuse. The author reflects on a past conversation that foreshadowed their own experience with similar behavior when attempting to leave a relationship. Ultimately, it emphasizes the importance of understanding patterns of abuse and the consequences of one’s actions.… Read More The Warning I Ignored: When Someone Takes Pride in Destroying Their Former Partner

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When You Finally Ask the Family for Help: The Psychology of Silence, Denial and Cover-Up Around Abuse

Sometimes the person experiencing abuse eventually reaches out When you have lived for years feeling that there is no way out, there may come a point when you finally confide in someone close to your partner. You may not even be asking them to confront the person. You may simply be hoping for one thing:… Read More When You Finally Ask the Family for Help: The Psychology of Silence, Denial and Cover-Up Around Abuse

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The People Who Disappeared: How Coercive Control Can Slowly Remove Your Support Network

© Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment | All Rights Reserved. Reposts must reference this site and author: www.lindacjturner.com

Sometimes you don’t realise you have been isolated until you look back One of the most frightening things about prolonged coercive control is that isolation does not always look like isolation. There may be no moment when someone says: “You are no longer allowed to have friends.” Instead, people gradually disappear. A friend becomes someone… Read More The People Who Disappeared: How Coercive Control Can Slowly Remove Your Support Network

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When Everyone Else Can See the Danger: Why People Can Stay Even When They Are Being Offered a Way Out

Sometimes, looking back, the question can be painfully difficult: “Why didn’t I leave when people were telling me I was in danger?” You may remember the moments clearly. Your doctor asked questions that made you realise he was concerned. Your psychologist repeatedly questioned your partner’s behaviour and history. Your doctor was shocked that the situation… Read More When Everyone Else Can See the Danger: Why People Can Stay Even When They Are Being Offered a Way Out

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When the Professionals Tell You to Leave: Why You Should Listen to the Warning Signs

When a doctor tells you once that they are concerned about your safety, you may dismiss it. When they tell you twice, you may begin to wonder. When they tell you three times—and your psychologist is also repeatedly advising you to leave—it is time to stop and listen. Not because professionals know everything about your… Read More When the Professionals Tell You to Leave: Why You Should Listen to the Warning Signs

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Couple friendships can become a closed social system

There is quite a lot going on psychologically when a woman who has been part of a couple for many years suddenly becomes single through divorce, separation or bereavement. The painful part is that she may lose not only her partner, but an entire social structure. There are several overlapping psychological and neuroscience mechanisms behind this.… Read More Couple friendships can become a closed social system

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When the Past Is a Pattern: Should a New Partner Be Told About a History of Violence and Abuse?

By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate — Linda C J Turner Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment ©Linda C J Turner

There is a difference between having a past and having a pattern. Everyone comes into a new relationship with history. Previous relationships, mistakes, regrets, disappointments and difficult experiences are part of being human. But what happens when someone’s history includes violence and abuse across two marriages spanning decades? What if there have been convictions for physical violence?… Read More When the Past Is a Pattern: Should a New Partner Be Told About a History of Violence and Abuse?

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The Art of a Good Conversation: Why Being Heard Matters

Older woman and younger man smiling and talking at an outdoor café table with coffee cups and pastry.

The difference between a good conversation and a forgettable one often comes down to something surprisingly simple: Were you actually listening? Not listening while planning what you are going to say next.Not waiting for your opportunity to tell your own story.Not subtly steering the conversation back towards yourself. Actually listening. Being present enough to notice… Read More The Art of a Good Conversation: Why Being Heard Matters

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