1. Emotionally immature behaviour

This is when someone struggles to regulate emotions or take responsibility for their impact on others.

Common signs:

• Blaming others instead of reflecting (“You made me act like this”)
• Avoiding difficult conversations or shutting down when challenged
• Big emotional reactions to small frustrations
• Inability to apologise without defensiveness
• Making situations about their feelings only

How it feels to you:
You may feel like you’re constantly “managing” their reactions rather than having an equal relationship.

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2. Entitled behaviour patterns

This involves expecting special treatment or exemptions from rules that apply to others.

Common signs:

• Expecting immediate responses or prioritisation
• Disregarding your boundaries or time
• “Rules for you, not for me” thinking
• Frustration when they are not accommodated
• Assuming access to your energy, attention, or resources

How it feels to you:
You feel pressured, used, or like your needs come second by default.

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3. Manipulative relational style

This is behaviour aimed at influencing or controlling outcomes indirectly rather than through honesty.

Common signs:

• Guilt-tripping (“After all I’ve done for you…”)
• Silent treatment or withdrawal to gain compliance
• Reframing events to confuse your perception (gaslighting-like behaviour)
• Selective truth-telling
• Emotional escalation when challenged

How it feels to you:
Confusion, self-doubt, and feeling like you’re “always wrong” or off balance.

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4. Low empathy traits

This refers to difficulty recognising or valuing another person’s emotional experience.

Common signs:

• Dismissing your feelings as overreactions
• Lack of curiosity about your emotional state
• Minimal emotional response to your distress
• Focus on logic, blame, or self-interest rather than impact
• Repeating harmful behaviour without adjustment

How it feels to you:
You feel unseen, unheard, or emotionally alone even when someone is physically present.

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5. Antisocial or narcissistic traits (clinical extremes)

These are clinical-spectrum traits, not casual insults. They involve persistent patterns of disregard for others’ rights, needs, or emotional reality.

Possible signs (clustered, not single behaviours):

• Chronic dishonesty or exploitation
• Lack of remorse after harming others
• Grandiosity or superiority mindset
• Using people for gain (status, money, validation)
• Repeated boundary violations without concern

How it feels to you:
You may feel used, devalued, or as though you exist only in relation to what you provide them.

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6. Transactional relationship orientation

This is when relationships are treated like exchanges rather than emotional connections.

Common signs:

• “What do I get out of this?” mindset
• Keeping score of what they’ve done for you
• Conditional kindness (“I’ll do this if you do that”)
• Lack of emotional presence unless there is benefit
• Relationships feel like negotiations rather than connection

How it feels to you:
You feel like affection or support is not freely given, but earned or traded.

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7. Avoidant or dismissive attachment patterns

These relate to discomfort with emotional closeness, vulnerability, or dependency.

Common signs:

• Pulling away when things become emotionally intimate
• Minimising feelings (“It’s not a big deal”)
• Preferring independence to connection even when it harms closeness
• Difficulty discussing emotions
• Shutting down during emotional conversations

How it feels to you:
You may feel emotionally distant from them, or like you’re “reaching” for connection that isn’t met.

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Key takeaway

It’s rarely about diagnosing someone. The most useful question is:

“How do I feel consistently in this relationship over time?”

Healthy dynamics generally feel:

• emotionally safe
• consistent
• respectful
• reciprocal

Unhealthy patterns tend to feel:

• confusing
• draining
• one-sided
• emotionally unsafe or unstable

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