Grooming is a process, not a single event. It usually unfolds in stages:

1. Targeting

The person identifies a young person through:

• Social media (Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, gaming chats)
• Online games or forums
• Messaging apps

They often choose:

• Vulnerable or isolated teens
• Young people posting a lot publicly
• Anyone seeking attention, validation, or support

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2. Building trust (“gaining access”)

They may:

• Act friendly, supportive, or “understanding”
• Mirror interests, language, and emotions
• Give lots of attention or compliments
• Position themselves as someone who “gets you”

👉 This can feel like friendship at first.

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3. Emotional dependence

They start to:

• Message frequently and privately
• Encourage secrecy (“don’t tell anyone, they wouldn’t understand”)
• Become a main source of emotional support
• Create a sense of special connection

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4. Isolation

They may:

• Discourage talking to friends/family
• Create conflict or distrust toward others
• Make the young person feel only they understand them

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5. Boundary testing

This is where manipulation increases:

• Sexualised comments or jokes
• Requests for private images or videos
• “Proof of trust” requests
• Gradual escalation so it feels less shocking over time

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6. Control, coercion, or threats

In more serious cases:

• Blackmail (“sextortion”) using images or messages
• Threats to share private content
• Emotional pressure (“if you cared about me, you would…”)

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🚩 Warning signs for parents & carers

📱 Digital behaviour changes

• Becoming very secretive about phone/social media
• Quickly closing screens when adults enter
• New accounts or hidden apps
• Excessive time online, especially at night

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🧠 Emotional changes

• Sudden mood swings or anxiety
• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Seeming confused, guilty, or distressed after being online
• Over-attachment to one online person

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🔒 Behavioural red flags

• Receiving gifts, money, or unknown parcels
• Using language that feels “not like them”
• Refusing to discuss online activity
• Fear of consequences if phone is taken

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🚨 Warning signs for teens to recognise

A safe adult or friend online:

• Does NOT ask you to keep secrets from trusted adults
• Does NOT pressure you for images or personal info
• Respects your boundaries immediately
• Does NOT make you feel guilty for saying no

🚩 Red flags:

• “Don’t tell anyone about us”
• Pressure to move chats to private apps
• Requests for photos/videos
• Fast escalation of intimacy or emotional dependence

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🧠 Key truth

Grooming often doesn’t feel like danger at the start.

It can feel like:

• attention
• understanding
• emotional connection

But the pattern is built on control, secrecy, and gradual boundary erosion.

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🛡️ What helps prevention

• Open conversations without judgement
• Checking in on online relationships calmly
• Teaching that secrecy in relationships is a red flag
• Encouraging reporting without fear of punishment
• Knowing where to get help early

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📞 If there is concern in Spain

• 016 – support for gender-based violence (also advises on minors in some cases)
• INCIBE (Cybersecurity Institute) – online safety reporting and guidance
• Police cybercrime units – direct reporting for grooming or exploitation

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