You’ve cared.
You’ve compromised.
You’ve contorted yourself into someone else’s needs — so many times, you lost count.

But not anymore.

Because now, your healing has brought you to this:
🧭 A place where you can pause and ask, “What about me?”

And if the new connection in your life doesn’t offer space for your voice, your health, your hobbies, or your needs — it’s time to step back.

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🧠 From a Psychological Perspective: Why This Pattern Can Repeat

People who have spent years caring for others at their own expense often enter new relationships from a default position of over-functioning:

• You ask how they are, but they never ask back.
• You cook, call, check in — and they expect it.
• Your day, your life, your interests? Not on their radar.

Why? Because your nervous system has been trained to prioritize others as a survival mechanism. You’ve learned to earn love through service.
But let me say this clearly:
👉 Love should not be something you perform.
👉 Care should not be something you prove.
👉 And connection should not be a one-way transaction.

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💔 If They Don’t Ask About Your Life, Ask Yourself Why

If someone:

• Never asks what you’ve been up to today,
• Doesn’t seem curious about your passions,
• Isn’t interested in your health, hobbies, or healing,

Then you need to pause and ask:
Is this just another emotional labor trap?
Are you once again becoming someone’s unpaid therapist, caretaker, or audience?

And here’s the truth you might need to hear:
If you feel lonelier with them than you do by yourself — that is not connection. That’s emotional neglect in disguise.

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💡 The Freedom of Not Being in a Marriage Anymore

You are not tied to anyone anymore.
You do not owe anyone loyalty at the cost of your wellness.
You are not here to raise another adult or rehabilitate a person who lacks self-awareness.

This chapter of your life is about you:

• Your voice.
• Your needs.
• Your time.
• Your body.
• Your interests.
• Your right to say, “I’m not doing this again.”

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🌱 Somewhere Out There Is Someone Who Is Curious About You

Yes — there are people who:

• Ask you thoughtful questions.
• Show genuine interest in your life.
• Want to share your hobbies and adventures.
• Remember what lights you up.
• Want to know your past, your dreams, your little stories — not just because they’re being polite, but because they see you.

You don’t have to commit to someone who brings you scraps, just because it’s familiar.
You’ve already made enough sacrifices to last a lifetime.

You deserve to be in a relationship where your energy is matched, your voice is valued, and your needs are not dismissed or inconvenient.

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🗣️ A Final Reminder: You Are Not Here to Be Someone’s Carer

Unless you choose to be — and on your terms — you don’t have to carry anyone else’s emotional weight anymore.

You are free now.

Free to:

• Ask for what you want.
• Walk away from one-sided connections.
• Choose joy over duty.
• Pick curiosity over control.
• Prioritize yourself, not out of selfishness — but out of healing.

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💬 Journal Prompts for Integration:

• What does a two-way relationship look like for me?
• Where have I accepted crumbs in the past, and why?
• How does it feel in my body when someone is genuinely curious about me?
• What am I no longer willing to sacrifice?

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— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment