Over the past decade, I have lost count of the number of times people have told me how resilient I am.

They mean it as a compliment. They see someone who has survived difficult circumstances, kept going when life became overwhelming, and somehow found the strength to carry on. They see resilience.

But if I’m honest, I have come to hate that word.

Because resilience is supposed to be something we call upon occasionally when life throws us an unexpected challenge. It is not supposed to become a permanent state of existence. It is not meant to be a way of life.

No one should have to be resilient every single day just to survive a relationship, a friendship, a workplace, or a family dynamic. No one should have to constantly recover from the latest crisis, betrayal, disappointment, or emotional wound.

When people tell you how resilient you are, what they are often really saying is, “You’ve endured an extraordinary amount of hardship.”

And while that may be true, there comes a point when survival is no longer enough.

For years, I lived in survival mode. I adapted. I coped. I endured. I picked myself up over and over again. I became the person everyone admired for my strength.

But strength can be exhausting.

Eventually, I realised that I did not want to spend the rest of my life proving how much I could endure. I did not want to keep measuring my worth by my ability to survive difficult people and difficult situations.

I wanted something different.

I wanted peace.

I wanted joy.

I wanted ordinary days that did not require courage just to get through them.

Most of all, I wanted to stop surviving and start living.

So I have stopped trying to be resilient.

Instead, I have started protecting my peace. I have started choosing people who bring calm instead of chaos. I have started walking away from situations that require constant endurance. I have started building a life where resilience is no longer needed every day.

Because resilience should be a life raft, not a permanent address.

There is a huge difference between living and merely surviving.

For the first time in a very long time, I am choosing to live.